


The Sacrifices We Make

by foreverglorious



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: A.R.G.U.S, Depressing, Eventual Donna Smoak/Quentin Lance, F/M, Kidnapping, League of Assasins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2667005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverglorious/pseuds/foreverglorious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first Fic, please tell me what you think!</p><p>Felicity sacrifices herself to save Oliver, the team and the city. She gives herself to Ra's al Ghul in exchange for their safety.<br/>She does everything she has to survive, even if it means loosing herself...</p><p>Things end up with her broken and Oliver trying to fix her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, the idea has been buzzing around in my head since the rumors that Oliver is gonna join the League circulated.  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> xx Jo

They were outnumbered.  
Oliver lay on the floor of the foundry: bloody, beaten and only semi-conscious, Ra’s al Ghul towered over him, victory on his face. Diggle, Roy and Laurel were surrounded and held down and Felicity sat on her chair, unable to move due to the two men holding her in place.  
“You have been defeated,” Ra’s beamed, kneeling down to talk to Oliver, “and now I must kill you,”  
“No!” She shouted before her mind could register her thoughts.  
Oliver looked up at her, she looked so small and fragile, her blonde hair was in its usual bun and her glasses were nowhere to be seen. Ra’s looked up at her, and Oliver saw the expression on his face change. Panic immediately surged through his body and he tried to get up, to fight to protect her but Ra’s hit him again in the chest, he was sure that he already had a few broken ribs and the hit almost knocked him out.

“Give me one good reason,” Ra’s snarled.  
“Your daughter lost the woman she loved. And you want revenge-“  
“Justice!” the demon shouted as he bolted upright.  
“Revenge!” She yelled back, a tear rolling down her face, “You want revenge. He loves me. So kill me, take me, and just don’t hurt my friends,”  
“Felicity, no! Don’t,” Oliver wailed.   
Even with his blurry vision he could see the pain and fear on her face and in that moment he hated himself. She was innocent, she was kind and caring and she was the only woman he had ever loved with such intensity. A well grew in his throat, he wanted do badly to hug her, to kiss her and keep her safe. He wanted nothing more in the world than for her to always be happy.

“One love, for another?” Ra’s chuckled, he took a step closer to her, analyzing every inch of her.   
“Yes,” she said.  
“Felicity, I know you think you’re protecting us, but you can’t do this,” Diggle chimed and was quickly met with a fist in the gut by a member of the League.  
“And what makes you think you’re worth it?” Ra’s questioned, taking another step to her.  
She gulped in all the air she could handle, mustering up the courage to say it.

“My father,” she replied simply, “you've wanted revenge for what he did to you for over two decades. I’m how you get it,”  
His expression instantly turned cold, his eyes widened with shock and desire.   
“You are his daughter?” He asked.  
Felicity nodded, holing her breath and praying he would agree to her deal.  
“If you are lying!” He spat as he bolted to her and wrapped his hands around her neck, squeezing with all his might.

“Let go of her! Don’t touch her!” She heard Oliver scream.  
“I’m not. You’ll see soon enough,” she choked out, once he let go she coughed furiously, her body trying to access the air she had been deprived.  
His lips curled into a wide smile, disbelief in his eyes, he stood still for a moment, his eyes darting around. Thinking.   
And then he finally spoke. “You will come with me, and I will spare the city, your friends. And him,”  
“Yes,” she nodded. She looked down at Oliver, tears falling from her face, she was allowed to stand and she walked over to him and knelt beside him.  
“It’s gonna be okay,” she cried.  
He placed his had on hers, looking up at her pleadingly, “Don’t do this please, please,”  
She closed her eyes and kissed his forehead softly, “This is how much I love you,” she whispered.

“I won’t let you go,” he said, tightening he rip around her fingers and ignoring the pain in his chest.  
“You have to,” she replied. She pulled her hand from his, and began to stand up.  
He stopped her, “I love you. And I will find you, and I will kill him,” he said, tears falling down his face.  
She nodded, knowing that there would be no way to change his mind. 

The last thing he remembers is Ra’s al Ghul taking hold of her and leading her out of the foundry


	2. Chapter 2

The First Weeks…

She walked silently up the large dimly lit hallway side by side with him. They were quiet for a while; she was gathering her thoughts, contemplating her options. Her walked ahead of her and opened two large double doors revealing a room, bigger than her own apartment. It was large and spacious; the only furniture visible was a large king sized bed and a dressing table at the far end of the room. The room was complimented with large open windows and thin purple curtains blowing in the wind.  
Next to the bed lay a violin, and some painting supplies; paint brushes, canvases, paint and oils.  
“How did you know?” She asked, walking to them and slowly lifting the violin.

“I know a lot about you Felicity,” he said calmly.  
She turned to face him and was welcomed by the startling realization that they were alone together.  
“Look, Mr. Al Ghul? Ghul? Is that even you’re real name? Is it a name? Not to insult your name, I’m just wondering because it pretty unusual, but then again I’m no expert when it comes to last names, leave alone Tibetan last names. If you are Tibetan, which I’m not sure of,” she closed her eyes, sighing at her rambling, “Sorry…um…If you’re going to kill me, why bring all these? The things I love?”  
He smiled, “I am not going to kill you. You are far too valuable,”  
“Right, because of Oliver. And my father,” she said.  
“Yes, precisely because of that,” he said and with that turned to leave.

She walked around the room for a while, opening cupboards and cabinets surprised to find clothes, mainly long flowing gowns in all sorts of colours, in many of them. They were beautiful, and extravagant. She almost screamed when she saw the ruby, emerald and diamond encrusted jewelry on her table: earrings, bracelets, rings all so shiny and expensive she was sure she would probably ever be able to pay them off I anything were to happen to them. She walked over to the large door at the far left corner of the room an opened it, only to find that the large bathroom, with a big round bathtub, was filled with all her favorite products. Her shampoo, conditioner, even the exact shade of hair dye she used, lotions, tampons, body scrubs; everything she had in her bathroom back in Starling City.  
She walked back to the room and sunk into the soft bed, she wanted to punch him. She really, really wanted to hit him in the face. She couldn't get the image of him hitting Oliver over and over out of her mind. He was evil and cruel and vindictive, and she was his prisoner. He had all the power, and she was stuck here, in his huge mansion, heavily guarded and unable to fight or defend herself.   
I’m totally and completely helpless.

 

x x x x x x

 

She spent a lot of time reading. It was hard without her glasses but doable at just the right angle and distance from her eyes. She also spent a lot of time thinking about Oliver, praying that he was alive and well. She really missed him. She missed Staling City, her family. She decided not to think about what her mother was going through. Donna Smoak was a strong and determined woman, but she was barely able to handle the loss of Felicity’s father, imagining how she felt now was physically painful for her. So she read books: Hamlet, To Kill a Mockingbird, Lord of the Flies, Romeo and Juliet, but she also painted. Furiously and unending. She painted her home; the city, she painted arrows; flying through the night sky, she painted Ra’s al Ghul; depicting him as the murderous and vile demon that he was and she pained him Oliver.

She painted him in his full Arrow gear, gazing at the city, she painted him in his street clothes; smiling, looking serious, happy. It was the only way she knew how not to pull her hair out or slit her wrists. She cried herself to sleep most nights, wishing that she was anywhere but where she was. She would wake up, a part of her brain unsure to where she was and she savored those moments because she didn't have to remember seeing her friends beaten, she didn't remember the defeated looks on their faces, she didn't have to relive hearing the pain on Oliver’s voice and she didn't have to remind herself that she was under Ra’s al Ghuls thumb.  
One thing that she couldn't do was play the violin. She had been playing since she was four, she knew the strings and every one of its architectural designs, she used to love the feeling of the strings on her fingers, the intoxicating and brilliant sound it made but now it just reminded her of her father; the man who taught her how to play.   
She sighed, putting down the paint brush and admired her work. It was another painting of Oliver; he was facing the city, his bow in his left hand. For the billionth time she wished that she could jump into one of her paintings and stay there forever hidden away from Ra’s and his henchmen, blissfully happy with the man she loved.

Felicity almost had a heart attack when she was ripped out of her daydream and back into reality by the sound of the large double doors opening. She looked up to see Lana, a petite brown haired woman in her late thirties, smiling at her. Lana helped Felicity with things; she occasionally posed for paintings, she sang songs to Felicity while she brushed her hair and most importantly she told her about what was happening on the outside, thins like what Ra’s was up to, where Nyssa was and with who. Without Lana, Felicity was sure she would die of boredom.   
“Hey,” Felicity said, beaming up at the older woman, “you scared me,”  
Lana sighed, and Felicity felt a welt of panic, something’s wrong.  
“What happened?” She asked, running up to the woman.   
“Nothing bad,” she said softly, “he wants you to have dinner with him,”  
“Who?” Felicity asked, still confused as to what was going on.   
Lana rolled her eyes, visibly annoyed by Felicity’s slowness. When it finally hit her who she was talking about she instantly backed away.  
“No,” she said, “I don’t want to,”  
“You must,” Lana simply replied.

 

x x x x x x

 

His body was in pain. Three broken ribs, a punctured lung, dislocated shoulder, severe internal bleeding and a few broken fingers.   
Oliver was in a crap load of pain. He slipped in and out of consciousness for a while, unable to stay somewhere for too long. He would wake up; his mind racing, and frantically wanting to see Felicity and then he would fall back asleep; tormented by nightmares of what Ra’s al Ghul was doing to her.  
I have to get up. I need to find her.  
When he finally did wake up, for good, all he could do was think of her. He wanted her to be here, next to him, babbling on about Star Wars and computer algorithms.   
“How long have I been out?” He asked, his eyes adjusting to the light.  
“A week,” Diggle replied sympathetically. He knew how Oliver was feeling. He also hated the fact that he had been unable to protect her, unable to keep the League from taking her.  
“We need to get her Dig,” Oliver choked.  
“I know man, but you need to get better first.”  
He knew Diggle was right, as usual, but that would take months, and Felicity didn't have that long. He didn't care about the pain or the damage it would cause, he was going to get out of bed as soon as possible and save her.


	3. Chapter 3

Two Months

 

“All I want to know is if he’s okay,” Felicity said, eyeing Ra’s intently, hoping he’d give her even the slightest hint. It had been two months since she had left her home, left him, and she’d been itching to find out something, anything about her friends.  
“That is none of your concern,” h said harshly, “you will never see him or any of those people again. Forget them,”  
Anger swelled up inside her, “I know that you don’t have friends, or people who actually care about you other than fear you, but could you just be a human for once and not be such a total and complete asshole?”  
“Watch it girl, I am not known for my patience,” he said, trying his hardest to control himself.  
“No, you’re just known for being a murderous sociopath,” she hissed.

She regretted saying it the moment it left her mouth. She stood opposite him, wearing one of the dresses that had been placed in her closet. The sun had been down for a few hours and she was tired. Sleep had abandoned her and left her to die. She could barely remember the last time she had a full night of sleep, and she guessed that’s why she had been so annoyed and irritated.  
The slap was hard and swift, she fell to the ground and she could taste the bitterness of her own blood in her mouth. He grabbed her by the neck, lifted her and pushed her against the wall.  
His eyes were filled with rage and hatred and his nostrils flared every time he took a jagged breath, “You will no disrespect me. I may not be able to kill you, but I can make your life a lot less pleasant!” 

He banged her head against the wall a few times, and the pain almost knocked her out. It felt like years before he released her and she sank to the ground, holding her now tender neck gasping for precious air. For a few moments she thought she was dreaming, the blurriness of it all helped her believe so but she logically knew that it was because of the blows to the head. Terror, fear and panic are all the emotions swirling around her body causing her to shake furiously.   
When she looked up, he was gone. She was alone now; and she sunk to the ground, ignoring the feel of the cold marble floor on her cheek. Tears streamed down her face, and the hatred she felt towards him doubled. She felt trapped; this was going to be the rest of her life.

 

x x x x x x

 

When she woke up the next morning she wasn’t on the floor anymore, she was on her bed, in her silk nightgown with a cloth around her head. She tried getting up, but the throbbing in her head made her stop. She slowly remembered what happened; the image of Ra’s yelling at her, his hand around her neck filled her mind. She sighed, realizing that she needed more control over her tongue.  
It’s your entire fault, a voice said. She looked around, looking for the intruder in her room but couldn’t spot hem. Her train of thought was interrupted by a scream. It wasn’t loud per say, but it was piercing, like someone was dying. The curiosity inside her stirred, who is that?  
She slowly got up, moving as little as possible; she walked over to her door and opened it. Apart from the dim candle on a side table the hallway was dark, and empty.  
She followed the growing sounds of pain down the hallway and down he stair case into a section of the mansion she was pretty sure was off limits to her. When she finally reached the source she wished she hadn’t come in the first place. The door was slightly a jar and when she peeked through to see what was happening she almost screamed.  
There was a man at the centre of the room, his hands chained to the ceiling and half naked. His entire body was covered in blood, his own Felicity presumed. His face was swollen and looked like one of her canvases; different shades of diverse dark colours. Standing behind him was Ra’s; he held a long whip in his hand. He looked angry, angrier than he had been when he smashed her head into the wall and it scared her. He was speaking a foreign language, one she didn’t understand, and every so often when the man did not respond he would give him two lashes, making him scream louder and louder each time.  
Felicity couldn’t tare her eyes from the scene unfolding in front of her. She couldn’t help but think that one day it could be her up there, tied and beaten, tortured until she died. It scared her to think that, but she had to because it was inevitable. How long would he keep her as a comfortable prisoner before he got tired and decided to enact his revenge on her father and on Oliver? How long before she was next to o through the hell she was witnessing? For the first time in her life Felicity experienced a fear that was crippling and all powerful, it was a fear that was strong and undefeatable, a fear she knew that she would never overcome or forget.

Something bright and shiny brought her out of her trail of thought. When her eyes focused she saw Ra’s standing tall, in his hand a long sword. With his right hand he lifted up the giant of a sword and rested the tip on his shoulder. Felicity’s stomach churned, she knew deep down what he was about to do. He asked him a question again, and when the man responded by spitting Ra’s shook his head.  
“You are a fool,” he whispered before he rose up the sword and cut hi head clean off.  
Felicity flew backwards, a hand over her mouth, shaking uncontrollably and bolted back to her room. She ran to her bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach, however little there was, into the toilet. When her body couldn’t anymore, she leaned against the wall, tears slowly falling down her face.  
'You’ll be next', the voice said again. She looked around frantically, searching for whoever had been watching her.  
I’m not out there silly. I’m in here, it laughed.   
The voice, it was coming from inside her head. She closed her eyes shut, “Calm down Felicity, your just tired an malnourished. That’s’ all,” she whispered reassuringly to herself.  
'You’ll b next, unless you do as I say. You need to behave, you need to do as your told and you need to smile. That’s the only way you’ll survive. He won’t hurt you if he cares about you'  
Tears fell faster, “I’m going crazy,” she sobbed.  
'No, you’re not. Do you want to live, or do you want to end up like the headless man you just saw?'  
She shook her head, wanting to just let herself die, she couldn’t do this anymore, she didn’t want to live under constant fear, and she didn’t want to be tortured. She knew that she wasn’t as strong as Oliver or Diggle; she knew that she wouldn’t last.   
But she couldn’t die. She didn’t want to. She couldn’t do that to Oliver, or her family.  
“I want to live,” she answered.  
'Good. Listen to me, and you will.'

 

x x x x x x

 

“Felicity was kidnapped about two months ago, and I have absolutely no leads,” Quentin said. He stood on the roof of the police department, holding a thin folder in his hands labeled ‘Felicity Meghan Fonseca Smoak’.  
“I have a couple, I’m running them down,” the Arrow replied.  
“Are you sure you’re okay, you seem a little bit off,” Lance asked.   
The Arrow had been quiet for a while, he hadn’t been seen in nearly a month, and Lance had been worried that he had died somewhere, but he had called him out of the blue, his voiced laced with pain and concern asking for his help on Felicity’s case.

“I will be when we find her,” he finally answered.  
“Look, it would be a lot more helpful if you gave me more details. Look at her file,” he said holding it up, “it’s paper thin,”  
“Her father, he’s involved in this somehow,”   
“You think he had his own daughter kidnapped?” Lance asked, surprised by the suggestion.  
“No,” Oliver said flatly, “he is a very powerful man, with very powerful enemies,”  
Lance nodded, putting tow and two together, “You think one of them took her to get to him. I need his name,”

“Nikolas Vogel, he’s a Dutch businessman. Very hard to track down. I’ve been trying to find him for the past week with no luck,”  
“Jeez, you’d think he’ be more concerned by this, huh?” Lance retorted.  
“I’ll keep turning some stones on my end. You do the same,”   
“We’re gonna find her, she’s gonna be fine,” Lance said reassuringly. To himself of to the Arrow he didn’t know.  
“She better be,” he said.

 

x x x x x x

 

“There’s one lead we haven’t followed,” Oliver said as he reentered the foundry. On impulse he looked over at the computers, and at her chair. He could still picture her swiveling in her chair, barking and address at him. A pang of sadness hit him unexpectedly bit he pushed it aside and focused on finding her.  
“And what lead is that?” Laurel asked, folding her arms.  
“Donna,” he replied, placing his bow back in its place.  
“Her mother? How would she know where to find Nikolas?” Diggle chimed in.  
“I don’t know. I just have a feeling,” he said, running his hands through his hair, “maybe I’m wrong but it won hurt to run it down,”  
“Makes sense,” Roy mumbled.  
“I’m gonna go call her,” Oliver announced, pulling out his phone and searching for her name.  
Please God let her know something.

 

 

x x x x x x

 

He wanted to see her.   
She stood in front of the full length mirror, eyeing herself up and down intently, looking for any imperfection.  
You look good, but not like you’re trying to impress him. Perfect, the voice said.  
“So what am I going to do, or say exactly?” Felicity asked, pushing back the feeling that she was finally going mad.  
It all depends on him. Read him, see what he wants and work from there.   
Felicity nodded, finding comfort in the voice that guided her, the voice that calmed her down.  
She smoothed her long light red dress and walked out of her room, the two men who were usually outside her room let her go on her own to Ra’s room.   
Once she was there, she knocked softly.

“Come in Felicity,” she heard him say. She did as she was told and opened the door, revealing a set up similar to the one in her room. The only difference was that his was decorated with all sorts of weapon that hung on the wall.  
He looked up and smiled at her. She placed her eyes on him and cleared her throat seeing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt.  
'Don’t look away, yet. Admire him, look at him a bit too long, and fidget with your fingers.'  
She did as she was told, she examined his bare chest, focusing on every one of his abs, then hurriedly looked away and played with her fingers.  
'Good. Talk.'  
“You wanted to see me,” she said, looking up at the ceiling.  
He chuckled, surprising her. “Yes, I wanted to know how you’re doing,” he said, pulling on his robe.  
“I’m fine. I’m good, great,” she stammered.  
'Perfect. Now look at him in the eyes. Don’t look away.'  
“Good,” he said, sitting down on his chair and pulling on his boots, “I want you to join me for dinner tonight. Is that okay?”  
'Smile, a little too eagerly, and then act as if you’re trying to be nonchalant.'  
She smiled, a little too widely, and then cleared her throat, “Yeah, yes. It’s fine,”  
'You’re good at this.'

“And regarding your friends,” he said with a wicked smile on his face, “I just killed them,”


	4. Chapter 4

Three Months

She knew that they were still alive, she knew it. Ra’s al Ghul gave her his word that he wouldn’t kill them, that he would leave them alone, and he was known for keeping his promises, but the torment of having that one sliver of doubt, the uncertainty was slowly tearing her to shreds.   
He just said that to piss you off, as a punishment for insulting him.   
Felicity shook her head and put the thoughts to the back of her mind.  
The past weeks had been good. She did everything her little voice told her. She smiled when she was told, she glared and she cleared her throat. She said what was expected of her. She didn’t hate him as much. Hey had found common ground. They were both insanely smart; they enjoyed music and art and books. They spent hours talking, but even if the hatred and anger was dissipating, the fear was growing. The more she got to know him the more she feared him, and the longer she spent away from Oliver and her friends and family threw her into a deeper pit of depression.   
The nights were terrible, almost always filled with horrid screams and pleas for a swift death, Felicity would always listen to their voices, memorize them and pray for their souls. 

She no longer cried herself to sleep, or cried at all. Her voice advised her that it was futile and that Ra’s was a smart man, and he would notice her unhappiness. She had gotten unnaturally good at pretending to be happy, to be okay. She no longer had to remind herself to smile even though her skin was crawling, it just happened like a natural response, an involuntary reflex.  
She could feel his eye on her. She wasn’t supposed to but she knew that he was watching her as she closed her closet door.  
‘He’s watching. Give him something to smile about.’  
And instantly she walked over to the violin she hadn’t touched since she had arrived.  
‘Not exactly what I was saying, but even better.’  
She inhaled sharply; she let the memory of the first time she played for Oliver fill her mind. It had been late, and they had been hanging out, drinking wine and eating some pizza. The minute he noticed the violin case in the corner he had pestered her to play a piece for him and after a few minutes of begging she had agreed. She started to play one of her favorite pieces: Partita No. 1 in B minor by Sebastian Bach. She closed her eyes and in her head she could clearly see the sheet music and she went on playing, her mind focusing only on the violin.  
‘Stop!’  
After playing for only a few minutes, her hands suddenly fell limp. She cleared her throat, unsure as to what just happened.  
“Are you okay?” Ra’s asked, concern all over his face as he angled closer.   
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, placing the violin gently on her bed, “How long were you standing there?”  
He smiled, “A while,”  
‘Ask him how it was; make him feel like you care about his opinion.’  
“Did I suck?”She asked.  
“On the contrary,” he said raising his hand and placing I on her cheek, “you were magnificent,”  
She smiled, “Thank you,” she whispered.  
He stood quiet for a while, staring at her face intently, a puzzled expression on his face.  
“What’s wrong?” 

He shook his head, “Nothing, it’s just that… You are not at all what I expected,”  
“Is that bad thing?” She laughed.  
“No, no,” he said tenderly, “it’s refreshing,” and with that walked out of the room without so much as looking back.   
“How the hell did you do that?” Felicity quietly asked.  
‘Do what?’  
“With the violin, it wasn’t me,”   
‘I guess I have more power over you than I originally thought.’

 

x x x x x x 

 

Nikolas Vogel was tall. Really tall, a fact you could clearly see even as he sat down. It made Oliver wonder how and why Felicity was so small. He sat at his desk, typing furiously away at his laptop. He barely looked up when Oliver, Diggle and Donna walked into his office.  
He was also blonde, like Donna, his hair grey at the temples; he didn’t look as old as Oliver had anticipated.   
He had done his research on the man; he was ruthless, wildly intelligent and just as respected. He was one of Europe’s most wealthy and powerful men and was a hard man to contact.  
“I brought guests,” Donna said, walking over to him. He looked up at the blonde and his face immediately brightened. He stood up and kissed her cheeks.  
Oliver was still curious to know why the two of them didn’t seem to have so much as a shred of anger, hatred, dislike or tension between them. He had a feeling there was more to their story.  
“I’m glad to see you, how are you holing up?” He asked in with a deep accent, concern lacing his voice.  
She shook her head and looked down. Donna had barely been keeping it together, and wasn’t sure how much longer she could pretend. He sighed an squeezed her hand, and with that she cleared her throat, “These are friends of Felicity, John Diggle and Oliver Queen,”  
“Yes, I know,” he sighed, “sit down,” he said.   
“I’m guessing you know why we’re here,” Oliver said as he sat down in the leather chair opposite the older man.  
“You want her back from…” he cleared his throat looking nervously at Donna, “the people who took her,” he said leaning back in his chair.  
“Yes, we do,” Diggle replied, noticing his discomfort.  
“I’m happy to see that my daughter has such good friends,” he said, sadness in his eyes.  
“Why does Ra’s al Ghul hate you?” Oliver asked bluntly, curiosity eating at him and uncaring at his discomfort discussing him in front of Donna.   
“That’s a long story,” he said, looking over at Donna nervously again.  
“We flew half way around the world just to talk to you. We have time,” Diggle said, intrigue in his voice.

“Donna, why don’t you leave us to talk?” Nikolas said, smiling widely at her.  
The blonde returned his smile, shaking her head softly, “Ra’s al Ghul. That’s who took her, and you don’t want to talk about him in front of me to protect me, I get it. But I’m just as curious as they are to know why he hates you,”   
Silence filled the room.  
“What?” She asked, “I’m technologically challenged, not stupid,”  
Nikolas, for the first time in a while, cracked a smile at her; she had always been one of the very few people who made him happy.  
“Ra’s and I,” he started as he ran a hand through his blonde hair, “we were friends. Very close friends. We came from similar backgrounds and he taught me a lot. He’s always been a passionate man,” he continued making Diggle shrug, “He’s obsessed with making the world balanced and fourteen years ago he came up with a plan to do so,”  
“Let me guess, it involved genocide,” Donna remarked.  
“Yes, he planned on using a biological weapon to, in his words ‘Cleanse the earth of scum’. I didn’t agree, so I stopped him,”  
Oliver smiled at the thought. He saw where Felicity got her strong will from, his approval of the man shot up, but a part of him held back; angry at him on Felicity’s behalf for abandoning her.   
“Ra’s was angry, very angry. He even tried to have me killed,”   
“Then why aren’t you?” Oliver asked, his tone harsher than he had meant it to be.  
“Because, despite it all; the disagreements, the fights and betrayal, he still saw me as a brother. And it’s because of that I know he won’t kill my daughter,” Nikolas said, a hopeful lint in his eye. 

 

 

Four Months

 

“You’re in love with her, with Felicity,” Nikolas said, sipping his whiskey.  
He sat down next to Oliver who had been lost in thought and memories of her.  
“I am,” he said after a minute of hesitation. It was hard to say it, hard to tell anyone that he loved her because he didn’t want to have to think about what life would be like without her if she was dead.  
“And I’m willing to do anything for her,” he continued.  
“As would I,” Nikolas added.  
“You left her, you left her when she was six years old,” Oliver spat angrily.  
“To protect her,” he defended, “when she was five she was kidnapped. She probably doesn’t even remember it; they took her to the park and called her mother. Five million dollars or they would kill her. That’s why she doesn’t have my last name, or have contact with me. To keep her safe,”  
Weirdly Oliver could relate; he had been keeping her at arm’s length, accepting her moving on and not saying anything about seeing her kiss Palmer. He found himself relating to her father and it made him feel even worse because he had seen firsthand how much she suffered because of him, how angry she was at him.  
The only thing that kept him going was the hope that he was going to see her again, and she would be with him. This time he wasn’t going to keep her away, he wasn’t going to deny how he felt about her anymore. If he had learnt anything from all this is that when you love someone you need to tell them, no matter what.

 

x x x x x x

 

He kissed her gently, wrapping his hands around her waist. She held his face in her hands and ran her left hand through his brown hair. He pushed her up against the wall, lifting her up as she wrapped her legs around him.  
‘Good girl.’

 

She lay still, and quiet. Enjoying the breeze coming from the large open window opposite her bed. She focused on the stars, wishing upon them that she could be with Oliver soon. It had been four months since she left and everyday she missed him more and more. A part of her knew that she would never see him again; a part of her hoped that she wouldn’t because if she did, it would be because he was either dead or about to die.  
His hands were wrapped tightly around her body, like a snake squeezing the life out of its pray. She could feel his hot skin against her naked flesh, and reminded herself that this was her life now. Before she could stop herself a single tear fell down her cheek.  
‘No crying. No tears.’  
“You are crying,” he said, whipping it off her face. Her heart nearly skipped a beat at the sound o his voice.  
“Yes… I was thinking about my old life,” she whispered.  
He sighed, and with force brought her face up to his, “Forget about that,” he said, his anger thinly veiled, “forget about him, you are mine now,”

He pulled her under him and kissed her gently stroking her left thigh, she shuddered but forced herself to follow her own rules.  
‘Behave, this is your life now.’  
“Say it,” he whispered in her ear as he slid into her, causing her to lose her breath. He intertwined her hands with his and lifted them above her head, “I’m yours,” she responded. She pushed aside the fear, and the sadness and willed herself to let herself feel the pleasure as he thrust deeper and deeper into her.  
‘Make it believable’, the voice in her head shouted.  
She pulled his face to hers and looked deep into his harsh brown eyes, “I am yours,” she said again and lifted her head up and kissed him passionately, moving along with his rhythm, letting herself go in his embrace.

 

x x x x x x

 

The next morning he was gone, and she was glad. She rushed to her bathroom and drew a bath. She gently lay down in the hot water, ‘No crying remember?’  
“I don’t think I can do this,” she whispered, tears falling from her eyes, “this isn’t me. This isn’t who I am,”  
‘Yes it is. This is who you are now. This is how you are going to survive.’  
“By being his whore?” She sobbed, scrubbing harder and harder at her skin.   
‘No! No! By being the woman he loves.’  
“I don’t love him,” Felicity said finally, feeling defeated and lost, “I love Oliver. I love him, and I can’t do this anymore,”  
The voice was quiet, and she was left alone with her thoughts. She hated herself; she hated what she had become. She shuddered to imagine what Oliver would think if he knew what she had done.  
‘He won’t ever know! He’s probably already dead! THIS IS WHO YOU ARE NOW! We are going to survive. Stop crying, you are happy!’, the voice yelled trying to convince Felicity to calm down.  
“No. No. No. No,” Felicity mumbled to herself over and over again. She stayed still, silent for what felt like hours, until she slowly but surely slid deeper and deeper into the water. She ignored the voice, yelling and screaming for her to stop. She stayed underwater until her lungs were screaming. She knew deep down in her heart that she should have done this a long time ago.

Her body was aching now, her every impulse was telling her to stop, to get up and breathe, but she wasn’t going to listen. She felt lighter and lighter as the seconds passed by, like all the pain and fear and hurt was leaving her body, detaching itself and falling away from her like a meteorite hitting the earth’s atmosphere. Her thoughts wandered to Oliver, to how he was going to be without her. She assured herself that he would be back to crime fighting and saving the city in no time. ‘It’s who he is’ she thought to herself.  
Just as she was blissfully fading away she felt hands around her shoulders, they forcibly pulled her up and due to lack of oxygen she was too weak to fight back.   
The moment she was out of the water she began to cough, her body danced with joy at finally being given the sweet gift of air and she cursed.   
She looked up, furry in her eyes at the person who had done this, who had ruined everything.  
Lana, she was shaking, confusion on her face, “Why?” she kept asking.  
Felicity let out a loud sob, her reality hitting her again; pushing her deeper and deeper down the hole of sadness, depression and self loathing she was already living in.  
“You should have let me die,” she cried, clinging on to her embrace.   
“No. I saved you,” she whispered.  
“Oh Lana,” she sighed, tears soaking her face and dribbling down to her chin and neck, “you just killed me,”

 

Hours later, Felicity lay in bed, holding back her tears, trying to be strong, but she felt like at any moment she would try again, only this time she would jump out of her window or slit her wrists.   
Lana came in occasionally to check up on her and make sure she was still alive. Felicity stayed there for half the day until Lana came back and forced her to sit up.  
“I have something for you,” she said, a sad smile on her face.  
She went to her bag and pulled out a large clear bag filled with green herbs, she opened it, revealing a strong pungent smell of dried grass.  
“What is that?” Felicity whispered.  
Lana put it in a teacup that was on the tray and poured some hot water into it, she gave placed it in Felicity’s hand and nodded, gesturing for her to drink. She did what she always did and did as she was told.

The tea was disgusting; so much so that she almost spat it out, but out of respect decided against it and swallowed it.  
“One cup, everyday,” Lana said, placing the bag in a cupboard.  
Felicity placed it own on the tray, “What is it for Lana?”  
The woman hesitated for a while trying to figure out how to say the words in English. She sat down besides Felicity and took hold of her hands, “It’s for you…to…um, stop a baby,”  
The realization of what she said caused Felicity to stop breathing. The herbs were to stop her from getting pregnant. Tears welled up in her eyes, she looked at the sweet, sweet woman and hugged her. She sobbed, wishing that her own mother were there to comfort her, to tell her it was going to be okay. Lana stroked her hair, humming a soft song in an effort to relax her.  
“Please, please. Just let me die,” she cried.  
She wasn’t sure if she could take this. It had been only four months since she had been away from her friends and under the clutches of Ra’s al Ghul, and already she was depressed, constantly scared and alert, how could she go on for two more months, a year, the rest of her life?  
“No, no,” Lana said, she pulled Felicity back so she could face her, “you die, I die. And my family,”  
‘He threatened her. Her life and those of her family hang on your shoulders. You seen now? We have to survive.’ 

 

Sometimes he was kind, soft and gentle, and others he was angry, rough and downright terrifying. He would hold her tightly in the night, like he was holding on to her, hoping she wouldn’t run away. She spent a lot of her time with him worrying if he was going to kill her, every time he kissed her, every time he laid a hand on her and every time he took her to bed she was terrified and a part of her turned black. She didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing.  
She took the herbs Lana gave her every day, in the morning after breakfast. She had to force herself to eat, Lana had bought to her attention that she was losing weight, and soon he would notice. So she ate, shoveling he food into her mouth. She drew him, Ra’s, as a way of making him believe that she was genuinely beginning to care for him. She would make him look like a hero, the savior of the world and rather than showing him, she would hide them to peak his interest and at night sometimes she would hear him get up and go through them, he would come back and plant a kiss on her shoulder and then she knew he was starting to believe her lie. 

Nyssa was a rare sight. She was always busy, ordering men around, having sparing lessons and sometimes she would be gone for months. Felicity did her best to avoid Nyssa but when she wanted to see her, she, as always, did as she was told.  
Nyssa walked into her room in full gear, she had either just arrived or was leaving.  
“You don’t look well,” she said, “you look like you haven’t slept in decades,”   
“That’s how it feels,” Felicity joked, putting on her fake smile.  
Nyssa shook her head, “Don’t do that,” she said.  
“Do what?”  
“Pretend,” she said flatly, “I didn’t know you well before, and I still don’t but this,” she gestured up and down with her left hand, “it’s not you. You’re miserable,”  
‘A trap?’   
“No, I’m not. I’m fine,” she lied, widening her smile.  
Nyssa sighed. She was quiet for a while before finally talking, “Sara talked about you once or twice. She said you took a bullet for her,”  
Felicity nodded, remembering The Clock King.  
“She said that you were a brave, strong and bright woman with integrity,” she paused and crossed her hands, “and now all I see is black. He’s destroying you,”  
Confusion swept over Felicity, ‘What is happening?’  
“I’m sorry. I’m going to fix this,” she said, looking down at the ground and left without another word.

 

x x x x x x

 

Her apartment still smelled like her.   
For the past four months he had been spending most of his free time here, remembering things about her, hoping that she would return soon. He lay on his back on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. She had painted a mural on it, a mural of him. It made him smile, her talent, her dedication and her creativity. It also broke his heart to know that she loved him so much, and he had spent so much time pushing her away, making her suffer.  
He let her father’s words echo in his ears: “I have a plan underway, when I need you I will call you, and we will get her back,”  
Basically he was supposed to sit and wait until Nikolas had the okay to get his daughter away from the demon. He had to fight himself constantly, not to go to Tibet and get her.  
“You’re outnumbered. Not only will you die, but you’re putting her life at risk,” Diggle had said.  
He fumbled around on the bed for the remote to her music system and pressed play, and the soft sound of her music filled the room. The song playing was La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf, ‘God she loved that song.’  
She had told him the story of how her dad used to sing it to her when she was younger whenever she was scared or sick; she always said that it made her feel better, no matter the situation.  
His little moment of bliss was interrupted by the buzzing form his phone. He bolted up and immediately opened the text:  
Nyssa is here. Says she has intel on Fel. Wants to speak with you.  
He was out the door and on his bike before his screen went dark.

 

“What do you know?” Oliver asked as he rushed down the stairs of the foundry.  
She stood alone, Diggle and Roy stood on opposite sides of her.  
“Good to see you too,” she remarked.  
He took two large strides towards her, “I’m not in the mood for this Nyssa, what do you know?”  
“Are you here to help save her?” Roy asked.  
“No,” she snapped, still looking at Oliver head on, “He is my father and I would rather die than betray him,”  
Oliver walked away from her, clutching his fists, “Then why are you here?”

“To warn you. He may be my father, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with him, what he’s doing to her,” she said, shame on her face.  
“What do you mean?” Oliver barked, the worst scenarios running through his mind.  
Nyssa sighed, “She’s not the same. She’s faster with a smile to hide her fear and her pain. She…She’s scared, all the time and it’s eating her up. He’s shredding her into pieces,”  
There was silence; Oliver stood still, his patience wearing out faster than Barry Allen could run, “She’s tried to take her own life once already,” she continued, “if she stays with him any longer, she’ll keep trying until she succeeds,”  
He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand by and wait, Felicity was strong, and brave, she would never try to take her own life. Tears were fighting to escape him but he pushed them down, knowing that he didn’t have the time or the want to deal with them. His heart was racing with panic, he needed to get her out of there, he needed her back.  
“Why are you telling us this,” Diggle asked; the pain on his face intense.  
Nyssa though for a while, and then looked up at Oliver, “Because if I were in your shoes, and someone was doing his to Sara, I would want to know,”  
That's when Oliver knew that he was going to kill Ra's al Ghul, he didn't know when or how, but once Felicity was safe and sound, he was going to put an arrow in the bastards chest.

 

x x x x x x

 

She watched our men die that week alone. One, Ra’s stabbed him through the heart with his own knife, the second one he slit his throat and Felicity watched him flail and gasp for air until his body stiffened. The third one, he snapped his neck and the fourth one was poison. He fell to the ground after taking a sip of the wine Felicity was just herself about to drink.  
His body shook vigorously, he cried out in pain and his eyes kept rolling to the back of his head. Ra’s wasn’t there, he was out, killing someone’s father most likely and she was ‘home’ alone.  
She ran to him, and she screamed for help. Lana came running in, and told her that he was as good as dead, there was no cure. He would suffer, and in a few hours his hart wouldn’t be able to tolerate the pain and he would die.  
She looked at the man; he was conscious, and breathing and suffering.   
‘Put him out of his misery.’  
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She raised her hand onto his mouth and nose and pressed down.  
“Hold me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you’ve cast, this is la vie en rose,” she sang softly as he flailed, “when you kiss me heaven sighs and when I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose, when you press me to your heart, I’m in a world apart, a world where roses bloom,” his movement slowed down and Felicity closed her eyes, “and when you speak angels sing from above, everyday words seem to turn into love songs,” he was still, “give your heart and soul to me, an life will always be, la vie en rose,”  
She slowly let her hand fall; she looked down at his dead body. He looked so peaceful.  
‘Don’t even think about it.’  
“I could drink the wine, it’s right there,” she said to herself, eyeing the glass she had held in her hands a few minutes ago.  
She was frightened by loud claps, they were coming from somewhere in the shadows. Ra’s stepped up, revealing himself in the light.  
“Wonderful. I am so proud of you,” he beamed, “you have come a long way,”  
‘This was all a test.’  
She stood up, anger lowly rising in her. In that moment she hated him more than ever, and before she knew what she was doing she slapped him.  
“You son of a bitch!” She yelled, “You killed one of your own men!”  
He wasn’t smiling anymore, his dark eyes were filled with furry, and his hands were balled up into fists. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close, “I see I misjudged you. You still have some fight left in you,” he spat as he dragged her out of the dining room, down the hall and into his bedroom. He threw her on the floor and locked the door behind him.  
She didn’t even try to get up or plead, she knew what was coming. He walked over to his wall of torture and picked up his whip.  
“You need to learn, you will not disrespect me,” he whispered.   
He lashed her, over and over again; the force tore through her dress and cut her stomach and her back. Blood gushed from her wounds like water out of a tap.  
He must have realized this because he suddenly stopped, she could hear his panting; loud and jagged just like when he was on top of her, viciously kissing her lips. He threw the whip to the ground and unlocked his door; he knelt down beside her body and lifted her up.  
He walked out of his bedroom and down the hallway into hers. Lana was by the bathroom door, patiently waiting or her. When she was her frail body in his arms her eyes widened with shock.  
He placed her on the bed and kissed her forehead, “Take care of her,” he said to Lana in Arabic and walked out the door. 

 

x x x x x x

 

Felicity shivered feverishly as Lana cleaned her wounds and rubbed a nice smelling ointment on them. The pain was horrible, but Felicity refused to cry.  
“There,” Lana said when she was done, “only tiny scar,”  
She wrapped gauze around her whole torso and helped her get dressed in her night gown. Once she lay on the bed comfortably and Lana was gone, Felicity cried. She cried until she couldn’t anymore and went to sleep.

The morning was not good to her, her boy was in pain and her head was aching. She stayed in bed till lunch time, quiet and unmoving. Unthinking.  
Ra’s came to see her, she looked fragile and frail. He tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t respond. She simply stared into space, not caring about her surroundings or her well being.  
Lana knew that she had broken. She knew that Felicity had buried herself in a deep dark place and wasn’t coming out soon. Maybe never.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the support!!! Love you all  
> xx Jo

Five Months

 

She was still silent; she only ever moved to go to the bathroom and to eat. She just stayed in bed, and stared up at nothingness. Ra’s would occasionally come by, Lana was convinced that he felt guilty because of the way he looked at her, they way he kissed he cheek before he left.  
Lana felt horrible. Felicity wasn’t there anymore, and she dreaded to think about the day he realized this and decided to get rid of her.

 

x x x x x x

 

The time was almost here. After weeks of waiting; Nikolas had called to tell them that he had finally negotiated a deal with Ra’s al Ghul in exchange for Felicity. He had refused to say what he was giving up but Oliver didn’t care, soon he would have her back in his arms, back home.  
He had spent uncountable hours fighting, using the salmon ladder. Diggle noticed that he had been a lot more aggressive when he was out on the field, hitting harder and running faster.  
He needed her back, not only because being the Arrow without her was extremely hard but also because she made him strive to be a better person, she made him want to be happy, to smile. To live. And without her he was miserable.  
Having her back would be his rebirth.

 

x x x x x x

 

“You are going back home,” Ra’s whispered to Felicity. He was hoping that it would prompt a reaction from her and was disappointed when he was unresponsive.  
He was going to miss her. He had become accustomed to listening to her babbling, and watching he paint and play her violin. He enjoyed spending time with her and making love to her.  
He was angry with himself for pushing her too hard, if only he hadn’t grown so attached to her. Granted he thought that she would stay here with him until she died, but it was unusual for him t grow so attached to someone in a short period of time. 

He knew that at first it wasn’t real. She was only like that with him because she was scared and didn’t want to be killed, but after a while it got harder and harder to decipher reality from make believe. Maybe she had started to genuinely feel something for him, or maybe she had become amazingly good at pretending.   
It didn’t matter now, her father had offered him something he had been craving for a decade and decided to give her back.  
“I will miss you,” he said, softly kissing her cheek. He stood up and left her room, closing a good chapter of his life and putting it behind him.  
Lana tip toed into Felicity’s room. She sat down next to the girl who was still staring at space.  
She placed a kiss on both her cheeks and gave her a silent prayer.  
“Goodbye my girl,” she whispered. She whipped the tear from her face and hurriedly left the room.

 

“Where is she?” Oliver barked, aiming his arrow straight at the demons chest. He stood quietly, alone in his study, reading a book.  
He looked up, instead of a wide grin or a wicked smile; he saw no flicker of emotion. It took all of his strength not to release his arrow and kill the bastard where he stood. Every fiber in his being wanted to, but he knew that it would only cause more problems with Nyssa and the League.   
So he focused on her.  
“Down the hallway, second room to the right,” he said coldly, “Put down your weapons. I am unarmed and I will not harm you or her,”   
Oliver ignored the man and followed his directions. He kicked the door down and saw her blonde head on the bed. Relief overwhelmed him, he ran to her and checked for a pulse, it was there, but weak.  
“You’re alive,” he whispered, kissing her cheek.   
She was warm, warmth he had grown accustomed to and when she wasn’t with him he had missed it. Now that h could feel it again things were looking up.  
He threw the covers off her body and lifted her up; she stayed silent; baffling him. It felt good to have her in his arms. He smiled at the familiar scent of her apple shampoo, breathing it in. He walked out of the room and back into the study.   
“After spending so much time with her, I understand why you love her so much… You are a lucky man to be loved by her,” he said.  
“I am going to make you pay,” Oliver spat as he walked away from the demon, walking as fast as he could to get her to safety.

x x x x x x 

 

“Shouldn’t she be talking or something?” Roy asked, pointing out the silence on the private jet.  
He was right, Oliver knew something was off with her; she hadn’t spoken at all in the hour since they had found her. At first he chalked it up to shock, but now he wasn’t so sure.  
Oliver looked down at her blonde head that was resting on his chest; she was awake, staring outside into the clouds.  
“Felicity,” he whispered, placing his hand on hers, “are you okay?”  
They all waited for her response, quietly and patiently but she stayed still and silent. Oliver glanced at Diggle; the worry on his face was only out matched by the worry on Oliver’s.  
“Something is definitely wrong,” he said.

 

Five Moths and a Week

 

“It’s called a catatonic depression,” the doctor said.  
“What is that?” Roy asked, confused as to what was happening.  
“It’s a type of depression. She doesn’t move, she doesn’t talk or respond to us,” the doctor said simply.  
“So what can we do? How long will she be like this?” Donna asked, relying on Quentin for support. The two had grown close the past couple of months.  
She had spent almost all day and night with felicity; simply sitting by her side and watching her.   
Quentin knew how it felt to feel powerless to do anything to protect his daughters and he could relate to her pain. They had spent night after night talking, and he had spent a lot of time holding her when she cried. He admired her strength and her stubbornness, she refused to give up hope and she always did her best to keep her spirits up. Donna never lashed out at anyone, she never retreated to alcohol or drugs. She stood firm and tall in a hurricane of pain.   
“I can’t say. It’s unpredictable. She might come out of it tomorrow, next week, in ten years, maybe never,” she sighed, shaking her head as she looked at the charts.  
“I have to go call her father,” Donna said as she pulled out her phone with shaking hands.   
“Can I see her?” Oliver asked.  
The doctor nodded, leading him to the door. She was awake, simply breathing and staring. He noticed a bunch of orchids on her side table. They were her favorites. He walked over and opened the card.

Get well. Hope to see you soon,  
-Ray 

He crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash. He sighed and sat down on the chair next to her bed.  
“You are going to get better,” he said, “no excuses. You are going to snap out of this and you are going to come back to me. All these months without you,” he said, finally letting the tears fall from his eyes, “it made me realize how much I love you, how much I need you. I can’t function properly without you. You make me a better person, a better…hero,”

“She has that effect,”   
Oliver bolted up and was greeted by Barry Allen.   
“How is she?” Barry asked walking to her and squeezing her hand.  
“Unresponsive,” Oliver replied, whipping away his tears.  
“She’s strong, she’ll make it through. You’ll see,”  
“I hope so,” Oliver said, sliding back into the chair.

 

Six Months

 

She still didn’t talk. It was like she was in her own world, too distracted by it to pay attention to reality. The only time she would respond was when she was touched.  
Someone simply placing their hand on hers threw he into a fit, she would scream and flail, desperate to get away. So she spent a lot of time under sedation.  
Oliver spent a lot of time with her, silently watching her. Praying for her to snap out of her depression. He kept on with his Arrow duties at night, the job was harder without her help but it was manageable. Her mother was there at least twice a day, singing to her, reading some of her favorite books aloud. Her father would come but he would stay out in the hall and look at her through the window.   
Nikolas and Quentin would occasionally bump into each other making awkward conversation and stale jokes. Diggle came by often, he brought Sara to see her Aunt Felicity and Roy would sit on the couch awkwardly, bouncing his left leg up and down nervously and sometimes he would talk about his still rocky relationship with Thea.

 

It was a Thursday evening, and Quentin sat in the chair nervously waiting for Donna to return with coffee when Roy walked in.  
“Hey,” Roy said, “I didn’t think anyone was here,”  
“Her mom went to get some coffee,” he responded.  
The two men stayed silent, unsure of what to say to each other.  
“Well this awkward,” she said, her eyes blinking wildly for a few seconds.  
Quentin jumped up, confused as to whether she had spoken or if he had imagined it.  
“Don’t say anything. Please just stay still for a minute,” she said, holding her hand so over her face. They did what she asked, both watching her every move. Her body shook vigorously, her breaths irregular and shallow. She stayed like that for a few more seconds, and then she stopped.  
She wiped the tears from her face and she slowly sat up.  
“Can I ask you a favor?” She asked, wrapping her hands around herself tightly.  
Roy nodded, concern all over his face. She didn’t seem quite okay to him. He felt like something was off about her but chalked it up to being with a terrorist for five months.  
“I’m starving, would you call Big Belly Burger and ask for a bacon, chicken and beef burger, with onion rings, cheese, a lot of cheese, and pickles, with fries, and a chocolate milkshake?”   
The two men burst out laughing, happy to see that she was still somewhat herself.  
“I’m on it,” Roy said, turning to leave and make the call.  
“Roy,” she called before he could go, he stopped and looked back at her, “call Oliver too,”

 

He didn’t bother with the elevator. He was too pumped up with adrenaline and joy to stand still for even ten seconds. Starling City General Hospital’s psychiatric ward was on the sixth floor, the right wing. It took him about a minute to get to from the parking lot to her room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her through the glass.   
She sat up, her hair down behind her ears talking to her mother, Roy and Captain Lance. Her head bobbed as she spoke, her hands flailing about as they used to. He stood there silently, in awe at her radiance and beauty, thinking to himself how lucky he was not only to have her but that she was okay. Unable to stay still for another moment, with three large and quick strides, he opened the door to her room. Her eyes bolted up, at first they were filled with disbelief and shock. They were the shade of the ocean on a bright and sunny day, so transparent he swore he could see her thoughts.  
His legs moved before he could command them to, cupped her head and pulled her in for a kiss. Her body seemed to stiffen for a millisecond before relaxing into his embrace, and she kissed him back. He pulled away, and looked her in the eye. They stayed there, glaring at one and other, motionless for ages, ignoring the uncomfortable glances and awkwardness.  
“It’s good to see you too,” she finally said, making him laugh for the first time in a long time.

 

She had to be evaluated. Dr. Teller had walked into Felicity’s room and ordered everyone to leave, explaining that she needed to answer some questions for her; a mental evaluation.  
Oliver, Diggle and Donna sat outside her room, watching as the women conversed. It lasted ninety minutes. He had been counting.   
When it was finally over, Dr. Teller walked out of her room, her ace giving away nothing.  
“Is she good? Is she okay?” Donna asked nervously.  
“I have to consult with a colleague, you will have her results tomorrow. You can go back to see her, but visiting hours will be over soon,” she said sternly and walked away.  
The four of them rushed back into her room, eager to get some answers.  
“How did it go?” Donna asked, sitting on the bed and taking her daughters hands.  
Felicity flinched at her touch, and pulled her hand away hurriedly as if she had just been punched. Oliver noticed this and angled closer to her bed.  
“Are you okay?” He asked.  
A smile almost immediately appeared on her face, “You need to stop asking me that. I’m fine,”  
“Is that what the psych eval is gonna say?” Diggle asked, sinking down into the couch.  
“Probably not, but I don’t really care. I just wanna get of here. Go home,” she said, leaning on her pillow.   
“Felicity, don’t rush. Home will always be waiting for you,” Donna advised.  
“Can I have a moment with Oliver please?” Felicity asked, sitting back up and crossing her feet.  
Diggle and Donna nodded and left the two to talk privately.  
“You look tired,” she said as he sat down on her bed, careful not to touch her.  
“I don’t care about me,” he said.  
“I do,”  
He smiled, the fact that she worried about him despite what she had gone through, what she was going through made him happy. Because she was still his Felicity.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, shame suddenly overwhelming him, “I should have protected you, I should have-”  
“Shut up,” she interrupted, her tone hinting at her anger, “you…will not apologize,”  
“Felicity-”  
“No!” She yelled, her voice shaking, “You have done nothing wrong. Nothing. You are good man. The best. You will not feel guilty for something you had no control over, I won’t let you. So shut up, and don’t you ever for a second think that it was your fault. The only person who will feel guilt and regret is him. Not you,” 

Oliver found comfort in her words, but he couldn't help but shiver at the tone of her voice. She had changed, it was slight and well hidden Oliver suspected, but it was definitely there, and the anger in her voice scared him just a little because he knew that she was going to raise hell to the ones who hurt her.


	6. Chapter 6

Awake: Day One

 

“You cannot possibly be serious,” Dr. Teller said.  
“I kinda am,” Felicity said, pulling on her socks.  
It was still early in the morning, not even seven yet. She had sent everyone home the night before, tired of constantly being asked if she needed anything or if she was comfortable or if she was okay.  
“I don’t want to be here anymore,”   
Suddenly Oliver walked through the door holding two cups of coffee.  
“What’s going on?” He asked, as he set down the cups on the table.  
“She wants to leave,” Dr. Teller replied, “She can’t,”

“Why the hell not?” Felicity questioned, stopping what she was doing to face the tall woman.  
Dr. Annabeth Teller was a pragmatic woman; she was careful with her words and always seemed to have a stick up her ass.  
“You came out of an almost catatonic state just yesterday and just from the hour and a half I spent talking to you during your mental evaluation I diagnosed you to have anxiety disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, manic depression and the list might grow after a few more sessions. You need to be in a controlled and safe environment with professionals who can help you when needed,”  
“I will not be locked up here,” Felicity said nonchalantly as she pulled on a pair of sneakers.

Oliver agreed with Dr. Teller, he knew Felicity like the back o his hand and in the few hours they had spent together he knew she still wasn’t fully okay. She was off.   
She smiled to quickly, and pretended to be okay. One gentle and soft touch made her extremely uncomfortable and she had a look in her eyes, like she was always on red alert.  
“I highly recommend that you stay here for at least a few more days,” Dr. Teller pleaded.  
Oliver looked over at Felicity and he knew arguing was pointless. She had a determined look on her face, the same look she had when she offered herself up as bait for the Dollmaker. The same look she had when she sacrificed herself in order to save him. 

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he said with a sigh.  
Felicity immediately perked up, her smile widening with delight as she bent down and took a sip of her coffee.  
“Don’t worry; I’ll come back for sessions. Wednesdays at six,” she called back as they left the disgruntled doctor in the empty room.

 

x x x x x x

 

Donna leaned back in her favorite chair in the whole house, closing her eyes and taking a breath.  
She had been staying at the house her grandfather owned in Starling City. He had bought it decades earlier when he and his family had just moved to the US from Germany for a few years before moving to Boston, and with his first wife; The Black Witch. It was filled with many memories; granted most of them bad, but she still loved it here.  
It was in this very house that she spent three summers away from her original home of Boston, bonding with her half-brother Scott and falling in love for the first time with her swimming coach. The house was large, six bedrooms and five baths, a study, a T.V room, a pool and a large garden. She remembered brining Felicity and Nikolas here when she was only three years old. She used to love the garden, smelling the flowers, making beautiful arrangements with them and climbing the trees. 

She loved doing that. Every time Donna saw her she had a mini heart attack. She was this little girl, so small and fragile climbing the big oak tree, always in a rush to get to the top.  
Her stomach growled, she had been so busy helping Felicity settle back into her apartment she had forgotten to eat. She hadn’t been too fond of the idea of Felicity going home so soon, but the look in her eyes reminded her of when she was younger and, because her father refused to give her her favorite ice cream, she held her breath until she passed out. So Donna simply supported her daughter’s decision.  
Her mind wandered to memories of the past couple of months. She had been so worried and scared, constantly thinking about the horrible things that could have been possibly happening to her daughter, and now that she was safe and back in her home she felt like she could breathe again.

“She’ll be okay,” she heard, making her jump up in surprise.  
Before her stood Nikolas, he wore his usual navy suit and wore a red tie. He looked good, healthy. A fact she was happy about.  
“What are you doing here?” She asked, brushing her hair behind her ear.  
“I’m leaving tonight, I wanted to say goodbye,” he said as he sat down in the opposite chair.  
It was strange to see him there, seated so calmly and collected. He had changed a lot over the past years. She remembered him being a wild, unloving man. 

She remembered the first time they met. It was so long ago, she was only eighteen years old, and she had been just let home for Las Vegas on a whim, angry with her parents as she always was for their disapproval of her choices. She had been in at a restaurant, on a date with a good, sweet and smart boy named Sammy. She often wondered how her life would have been like if she had taken up more of an interest in him, if she had given him the time of day and not met the eyes of Nikolas Vogel, a man twelve years her senior, wildly intelligent, funny, passionate and married. 

She didn’t know it at the time, but he was in a loveless marriage with a woman colder than ice. The two had quickly kicked it off, engaging in a torrid affair. And then Felicity happened, and shit hit the fan. Life got complicated because he was married, and had a son, he had a family. A number one priority and Donna always felt like she came second. She didn’t hate him, she knew he was married shortly after they met and she didn’t care, if anyone was to blame it was herself.

“And to Felicity?” She asked.  
He stayed silent for a while, and finally shook his head.  
“You need to see her, to talk to her,”   
“She hates me Donna,” he said, his voice filled with anguish.   
“No she doesn’t,”   
He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds, and cleared his throat.   
“I hate this house,” he said, changing the subject.  
“Why?” 

“It reminds me of your father. He didn’t like me much,”  
Donna laughed, remembering how much her father hated him. Waldemar despised him. Being a hardworking and honest man, he had a thing about men who were unfaithful and dishonest. He wasn’t too happy with her either. He scolded her time and time again, using his judgmental tone.  
“He was a good judge of character,” Donna remarked.  
“And an even better father, may he rest in peace,”

“I’ll talk to her. In my own time,” he finally said in response to her prompts.

 

Home: One week

 

It wasn’t until now Felicity realized just how much she had missed. In her ‘absence’ as she liked to call it she missed the newest model of her phone, software updates that would take hours to complete and a butt load of new Dr. Who episodes. She had spent days settling in; throwing out her old things and rearranging the furniture with the help of Donna and Oliver.

She enjoyed spending time with him. She had missed his smile, his baffled expression and his scent. He always seemed to smell like the perfect mixture of virility and softness. Every time he was close she drank him in, trying her hardest not to lose it.  
She noticed changes in herself, changes that she didn’t necessarily like. She hated being touched. It made her heart race, and not in the good way. It was like insects were crawling all over her body, scratching and biting her. She also hated loud noises. They seemed to cause her mind to jump back to the sounds of men in torment, screaming and pleading for mercy. 

Oliver noticed this too, he would watch her as she organized her living room, and she would insistently pick at the arrangement, constantly pushing it back a few centimetres and then back as if she was debating with herself what the perfect position was. He worried about her. He knew that she would never be the same, how could she? But he worried that she was slipping.  
She acted like she was okay, like she was happy, but when she though no one was looking the smile would immediately drop and for a few seconds he could see the fear in her eyes. 

He hated it when she did that. He hated the fact that she felt like she had to pretend with him, because he wanted her to be able to talk to him. He wanted to help her, to mend her. 

 

She decided to go back to work. Ray had reluctantly accepted her; he didn’t want her to rush. He wanted her to be okay. He might not have known her long but he cared about her. She also returned to Arrow work. She ran to her computers the second she saw them and swore to never leave them again. It was one of the few moments Oliver knew for sure that she was sincerely happy, it was something about the way her eyes twinkled.   
It reminded him of the way she looked at him. 

It happened while she was at dinner with Diggle, Lyla, Oliver and Roy.  
They had been talking about something that had happened to a friend of Lyla’s. She felt a wave of panic sweep through her, and she resorted to baling up he fists and holding her breath. Oliver being a good friend and then some asked her if she was okay. And she snapped.  
“No actually. I’m not,” she said, panic rising up to her chest, “I haven’t eaten Italian or Chinese or Indian food in six months. I haven’t had beer or watched a single football or rugby match in forever. For the past six months I had only talked to four people, and one of them was a voice in my head that I can’t hear anymore, I can’t sleep without making sure all my doors and windows are locked four times and everything in my apartment has to be perfectly organized or I won’t be able to fall asleep, and I have such an overwhelming and crippling fear all the time that he’ll come out of nowhere and drag me back to the hell hole he calls a home,” she ranted as she whipped away a tear from her cheek, “that sometimes I can’t breathe,”

She fell back into her chair and sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that,” she said as she shook her head, “I shouldn’t, because when people ask you if you’re okay, the correct response it to simply say yes and move on,”  
Silence echoed in the dining room of Diggle and Lyla’s apartment. Laughing at herself Felicity shook her head and shrugged.  
“I’m gonna go,” she said, getting up.  
“Felicity-” Oliver started.  
“No,” she said, walking away from the dining room an getting her coat and back from the living room, “I ruined dinner,”

She opened the door to leave and Oliver excused himself, following her out. She was waiting for the elevator when he called her name. Her head turned to face him, and she did what se always did when she wanted to hide, she smiled.  
“Don’t do that,” he said as he walked up to her.  
“Do what?” She asked.  
“Smile, pretend like everything is okay,” he answered.

“I’m fine,”  
“Really? You expect me to buy that after what just happened?”   
Her smile dropped, she looked down to the floor avoiding his gaze.  
“Look at me Felicity,” he said.  
She sighed and raised her head, her eyes met his and she saw the anger on his face.  
“You’re not okay, and pretending that you are will only hurt you even more. You need to talk me Felicity, please, please let me help you,”  
“What if you can’t?” She asked, biting her lower lip nervously.  
“I love you. I can and I will,” he said firmly.

 

Home: Three weeks

 

“Felicity, do you realize that for the past three weeks you have sat in that chair, smiled and told me how good you feel, even though we both know you’re lying?”  
The two women sat in Dr. Teller’s office as they did vey Tuesday at six o’clock. Felicity sat in her usual chair, cross legged staring at the older woman.  
“I’m not lying, I’m honestly better,” Felicity shrugged.  
Dr. Teller pursed her lips and sucked in a deep breath.

“You haven’t been sleeping well; I know how it looks like when people use makeup to cover up the circles under their eyes, suggesting posttraumatic stress disorder. You have had three panic attacks in the past four days alone. You’ve been counting your fingers persistently and looking over at that stack of files on my desk that I purposely left out for the last four sessions which indicate obsessive compulsive disorder,” she said hurriedly, “I can go on if you wish,”

Felicity shook her head, speechless.   
“You are not okay, you do not feel well and your smiles are a means to try to convince everyone otherwise,” she bluntly continued, “so cut the bullshit and be honest with me,”  
Felicity cleared her throat, she had to force herself to open her mouth and talk.  
“The…the finger counting,” she said softly and slowly, “it helps me stay in control,”  
“Control of what?”  
“The fear,” she responded, “I have a vivid imagination, an my mind tends to create these scenarios of danger. For example when I walked in I was scared that someone would burst through the window and slit my throat and then I started to count and it helped me calm down, it…”  
“Reassures you, lets you know that this is reality and that is imagination,” Dr. Teller said, finishing Felicity’s thought.

She nodded in agreement, and for the first time, Felicity continued to talk freely and openly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I've been crazy busy with Exams.  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> xx Jo

Home: Four weeks

 

She loved work. Day work.  
Computer algorithms, coding, running dozens of programs. It was home for her. She loved waking up early, getting ready, coming in. But she hated the looks she got. People seemed to pity her; they tip toed around her, careful not to mention some things and say others a certain way.   
Ray was the only exception; he made it his point to treat her like always. She still wasn’t okay. She had a long way to go but for the first day in a long time, thins were looking better. For the first time she felt like it was all gonna be okay.  
Until it wasn’t.

 

x x x x x x x

 

She opened the door to her apartment and flicked the lights on. She looked around before entering completely; she had grown accustomed to it, checking to make sure that no one was inside waiting to kill her. As she scanned the room she held her breath, eyeing every corner closely. When she felt like she was safe and determined the room was clear, she walked in and felt relief fill her.

She placed her keys on her desk and walked into her bedroom; she put her bag in its usual place next to her bed and pulled of her coat. She was startled by her phone ringing but quickly recovered and answered Oliver’s call.  
“Hey, what are you doing right now?” He asked.  
She couldn’t help but smile, he had been calling her every night after work when things were calm on the Arrow front.  
“I just got home, and I am starving,” she said, putting her dark blue pumps on her shoe rack, “I’m thinking Chinese?”  
“You read my mind. I’ll be there in a few,”

“How do you know what I want?”  
“Because you order the same thing every time,”  
“Mr. Chow’s not Chinese Corner, their noodles suck,” she laughed.  
“I know…I know. I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he said.

She took a quick shower and changed into a plain white tank top and blue pajama shorts. She sat down on her couch and closed her eyes. Her stomach was growling; the hunger was eating at her. Pun intended. Her eyes flew open when she heard something rattle behind her. She turned her head, searching her dining room for the source of the sound, and when she saw that nobody was there she breathed a sigh of relief. 

Ever since she had gotten back she felt like she wasn’t safe, her mind was always on high alert. She shook her head softly, telling herself to calm down. ‘Oliver will b here soon, it’s gonna be okay’. She decided that she needed to watch some T.V while she waited. She slid down to her floor and grabbed the remote that was on her couch. She turned to face the T.V and her heart stopped. In the reflection she could see him; dressed in the attire members of the League usually wore.  
‘No. No. No. No,’ she said to herself. He body began to shake uncontrollably, her throat seemed to close up and her mind shut down. Her limbs were stuck, she was stuck. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t do anything, but stare at him.  
The moment he stepped closer to her mind rebooted. She jumped up and ran to her phone, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she screamed. He knocked the phone away and wrapped his hands around her waist, holding her hands down by her sides.

“No! No! Please!” She yelled, terror breaking through its cage like a newly free wild animal.  
She flailed around, trying her hardest to wriggle out of his grip. He lifted his hand up and pressed down on her mouth.  
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said sympathetically, “I am going to let you go, please don’t scream,”   
She nodded in response and he let her go. She turned to face him and took a few steps back, leaning on her side table for support.

She whipped around and pulled the gun her mother had given her the night before and pointed it directly at him.  
“Say back,” she ordered, “get on your knees,”  
He did as she said and put his hands in the air, “I am not going to harm you. I was sent me to warn you,”  
The sound of Oliver’s bike pulling up to the driveway made her instantly relax. She heard him fumble with his keys and she thanked god that she had given him an extra key. 

When he opened the door he didn’t hesitate. He dropped the food in his hands and wrapped his hand around his neck.  
“Why are you here?” He growled, anger implanted on his face.  
“I came to warn you. Lana sent me,” he said  
The name rang in her head. She remembered the warm smile that lived in her face, her gentle brown eyes, and her musical laugh. She lowered the gun, placing it back in her cupboard.  
“Warn me about what?”   
“Ra’s al Ghul, he’s going to destroy the city, and everything around it,”

 

x x x x x x x

 

“What is your name? How do you know Lana?”   
Oliver and Diggle stood opposite the man who was unarmed and seated on the couch closest to the kitchen. They stood between her and him, arms crossed and a menacing look on their faces.  
“You can call me Michael. And she was my friend,” he said calmly.  
“Was?” Felicity asked, hope quickly dwindling.  
“She was killed a week ago,”  
“By who?”  
“The demon,” he said angrily.

She sat down, and wiped away the tears from her face. She knew that this day was coming, she knew that Ra’s would kill her, but knowing it didn’t make the fact that it actually did happen any easier. Lana had been her rock, her friend.   
Oliver sat by her side and pulled her and she rested her head on his chest.  
“She loved you like a daughter,” he said.  
“Who was she to you?” Diggle asked.  
“She was my friend. I joined the League when I was eighteen, she was like a mother to me. She heard something, and it got her killed,”  
“What?”

“A man, very powerful, gave him something. She heard him say that it was a biological weapon,” Michael explained.  
“How did he get it?” Diggle asked, giving Oliver a concerned glance.   
“Your father,” he said nodding over at Felicity.   
“Where and when is he going to use it?” Felicity asked, sitting up anxiously.  
“I don’t know when but it’s going to be right here, the city. He sent me here to watch you and await the order,”  
Oliver sucked in air sharply, “What order?”  
“The order to retrieve Felicity,” he said, “to bring her back to him before it all goes down. He wants you to be safe,”

Felicity stood up quickly, fear quickly rising, “I would rather die,”  
Oliver took her hand and squeezed, “Hey,” he said pulling her down next to him, “calm down. We are going to stop him,”  
“She said that your father had to get it out of lock up, in a place called A.R.G.U.S,”

 

x x x x x x

 

Angry. She was angry. At herself, at Ra’s freaking al Ghul and at her father. Mainly at her father.  
What he did, to save her, made her skin crawl; it made her want to punch the wall. She paced in the foundry, replaying what Michael had said over and over, ignoring Oliver’s prompts to calm her down. She decided that she needed to yell at something, at someone.   
She thanked god for Skype and dialed his number.

Oliver watched as Felicity paced up and down t foundry having a screaming match with her father. He tried to listen in on what they were saying but he couldn’t due to the fact that he didn’t speak Dutch. He understood her anger; Nikolas had handed over something so deadly that it could kill billions, but he understood him at the same time. He was a desperate father who wanted his daughter to be safe. He loved her, and so did Oliver. But he knew that if it came down to it Felicity would have rather died than agree to her father giving him a biological weapon designed to kill at such a rapid rate that it had to be locked away in the deepest pit in A.R.G.U.S.

“What is your connection to A.R.G.U.S?” Felicity questioned.  
“That does not matter,” he answered.  
She put her face over her face. Her father was a stubborn man, and he wouldn’t talk if he didn’t want to.  
“Do you realize that you have killed, potentially billions,” she uttered, her voice shaking, “all to save me. One life,”  
“You are my daughter, appje,”  
“And what about the other millions of daughters, sons, and fathers and mothers?”   
“Do you honestly think that I am such a monster?”   
She stopped for a while and looked over at Diggle who gave her a sympathetic glare. She was counting her fingers again. Over and over.  
“I didn’t give him everything he would need to use the weapon,” Nikolas finally continued, “He needs two more parts. A key, a code that only two people on the planet know about,”

“Who knows about the code?” Oliver chimed in, walking closer to Felicity.  
“Me,” he said flatly, “and you Felicity,”  
“What?” Felicity asked, confused as to what he was talking about.  
“You know it, it’s somewhere in your mind. You just don’t know it yet,”  
“I have no idea what you are talking about,”  
“What about the other part?” Roy asked.  
“A substance only found in one place. It’s whereabouts only known by me,”  
The team looked around at each other, hopelessness building.  
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go,” he continued.

“Fine,” she sighed as she sat down in her chair.  
“Appje,” he said before she could disconnect the call, “I’ll be in town in a few days. I would like to have dinner with you,”  
Felicity stayed silent for a few moments, weighing her options. Oliver placed his hand on her shoulder and rubbed against her skin with his thumbs. She found comfort in that, and it relaxed her.   
“Sure,” she answered.  
“Great. Goodnight princess,” he said, a hint of joy in his voice.  
“Goodnight papa,” she whispered and ended the call.

She swiveled round in her chair, “This is bad,”  
“Didn’t you hear your dad, he didn’t give him the whole weapon,” Roy said, confused.  
“Ra’s al Ghul is a temperamental, murderous sociopath. He hates being fooled, and being wrong. When he finds out about this, he is going to raise hell,” she answered.  
“We need to talk to Waller,” Oliver said, looking over at Diggle.  
“I’m on it,” he said, pulling out his phone to dial her number.

 

x x x x x x 

 

Oliver and Felicity sat cross legged on her living room floor, eating Chinese. The T.V was on; currently playing was a T.V show that Felicity had become addicted to over the summers she spent with her grandfather’s family in Germany.  
“Do you even understand what they’re saying?” Oliver asked as he chuckled at her failed attempt to catch a dumpling with her mouth.  
“Of course,” she laughed back, she turned her attention to the show and listened for a bit while a character said something, “okay, so the blonde guy; Jamie, he’s pissed at his friend; Ana, because she didn’t tell him that his little sister’s dating some bad boy,”  
“Ah, I can relate,” Oliver laughed.  
“Speaking of, how is Thea?”   
Oliver shook his head, “Busy with the club. We haven’t really had time to talk,”  
“I see,” Felicity nodded understandingly, “you know my mother has an older half brother; Scott. He’s like ten years older than her and they grew up separately, but now they are closer than ever. Despite the fact that his mother was a witch, and hated her they always made time to talk,”

“It’s different,”   
“I know, but just think about that,” she advised.  
Her attention was brought to her phone by a buzzing noise. She picked it up an on the screen read: SMILE. She grunted and rolled her eyes.  
“Ugh, medication time,” she said as she stood up and walked into her bathroom.  
Oliver watched as she strolled out with four different bottles of pills in her hands. She put them on the counter carefully and grabbed a glass from her cabinet.

His eyes slowly fell to the four orange bottles.   
“You take all those pills,” he pried.  
“Yup,” she said opening them one by one and taking out two pills from three bottles and a single one from the last, “you should see how much I take in the morning,” she laughed.  
Her laugh. He knew it well, an over the last few weeks he had become an expert at what each different one meant. Some were nervous, others easy going, but most of them were tools to hide her true emotion.

She ran back to her bathroom to return them and before she sat she meticulously cleaned the glass and placed it back carefully in the cupboard. She did that a lot. She would spend hours cleaning her apartment and organizing everything. Even her closet was arranged by color an season. Oliver would watch her as she organized, it seemed to calm her down, and it was almost like she needed to control her environment to function properly. Her once neatly messy living room was immaculate. The clutter that usually presided on her coat rack was gone, and her bedroom, which used to look like a tornado had flown across it, was tidier than ever.

Her bedroom walls were still different colours. She had explained that each wall and its respective colour represented an emotion. Red for love, passion and hate, yellow for happiness and joy, blue for tranquility, peace of mind and green was for nature and freedom.  
He noticed that she didn’t really paint anymore. Before everything, he would occasionally notice a small smudge of paint on her hand or finger, and smell the faint scent of paint on her. Whenever he came over he would find her in an oversized t-shirt, paint all over her. Now, all those slight hints were gone. 

“How’s everything going with therapy?”  
“Good actually. Progress is slow, very slow,” she laughed, “but at least I’m moving,”  
“Good,” he said, only 75 percent sure that she was being honest.  
“And I forgot to tell you; my mom and Captain Lance are dating,” she said, perking up.  
Oliver’s eyes widened in surprise, “What?”  
“Yeah, I saw them kissing,” she said, making a grossed out face, “Outside my grandfather’s house,”  
“Good for him, and Donna,”   
“I know. And it’s my mom’s birthday next week…So to celebrate, I am throwing a party, and obviously your invited. And your gonna help me cook,”  
“Um…I’m not the best chef,” Oliver protested.  
“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Felicity pleased, squeezing his muscular arms.  
“Fine, but if I burn down the house it’ll be your fault,”

 

x x x x x x

 

Amanda Waller was not a woman who liked questions. Even less when they came from Oliver Queen and his friends. They had stormed into her office early in the morning bombarding her with questions about classified information.  
“I can’t discuss any of this with you. Its classified information,” Amanda said forcibly, controlling her discontent.  
“Ra’s al Ghul is planning to destroy this city. We need to be prepared, and to do that we need to know exactly what it is we’re up against,”

Amanda sighed, she knew Oliver Queen well. He wouldn’t give up until he got what he wanted.  
“Fourteen years ago Nikolas Vogel, a member of the board that heads up this organization had a weapon locked away in one of our deepest vaults, a vault that not even I have a key to,”

“We need to know how the weapon works, what it looks like,” Felicity said.   
“Nobody knows, you’d have to ask the man who created it,” she retorted.  
“We need a name,” Diggle asked, squinting his eyes at the woman, unsure if he believed her.  
“Cesar Claire,”  
Felicity let out a loud puff.   
“What? You know him?” Oliver asked.  
“I know of him and the things I've heard...Cesar…isn’t the most…sane person,” she said slowly.  
“He’s bat-shit crazy,” Amanda offered.  
“Yup,” she agreed, “not a question,”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've been slammed with exams so sorry or the late update...again.  
> But from next week Thursday it'll be an update every day hopefully...  
> ENJOY!!  
> xx Jo

Home: Five Weeks

 

“You’re skipping,” Oliver laughed as he lifted up two bags of groceries. The house was big, bigger than he had originally anticipated.  
“Really?” She asked, closing the boot of her car and walking beside him up the front porch.  
The morning sun shone bight, almost blinding him.  
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this…cheery,” he declared as he entered the house. He stopped for a while, staring at the grand house. It wasn’t nearly as big as Queen Manor, but it was very impressive.

The décor was old fashioned, the paintings, the furniture, the atmosphere. They walked past the grand living room; he couldn’t help but notice the instruments that filled it; a grand piano, a violin, and a cello.  
“You play the violin,” he stated.  
“Yup, and the cello. But I’m not as good as my mom,”  
They walked into the kitchen. It was the kind Oliver had seen on television shows growing up: homey. The put the groceries on the marble counter and started unpacking them.  
“So what exactly are we making?”  
“Meat,” she stated, “we’re having a barbecue.”  
“You know how to barbecue?” Oliver asked surprised by her choice.  
“Dude, I’ve been doing this since I was nine,”

 

x x x x x x

 

“Okay, essentials for a traditional German barbecue: beer and meat,” Felicity explained, pointing at the raw stakes, burger patties, chicken, a variety of sausages, and three coolers filled to the brim with beer, “next we have the other crap; buns, coleslaw, potato salad, normal salad, cracker, chips, mashed potatoes, and a butt load of ketchup, mustard and salad dressing,” gesturing over at the table next to the grill.  
“How many people did you invite?” Oliver asked, staring at the huge pile of food.  
“Um…You, Dig, Roy, Laurel, Captain Lance, Lyla, my cousins Jen and Robin who just got into town, my mom obviously, my dad might be coming but I wouldn’t count on it, and my uncle Scott, oh and Ray,”  
The mere mention o his name pissed him off, he decided to ignore his anger and change the subject.  
“Your dad is coming?” he asked, clearing his throat uncomfortably.  
“Maybe,” she said in a tone suggesting she didn’t want to talk about him. 

They stood in the back yard. It was large and spacious, the grass a bright green. The grill was hot and fired up. Felicity had set up everything perfectly. There was a large round table sitting at the centre of the garden lined with flowers and unlit candles, in the distance her could see the makings of a bonfire. All over the place were deck chairs and pillows, littered around the garden randomly.  
“How and when did you set all this up?”  
“Last night. I couldn’t sleep so I drove down and got to work,”

“You should have called; I could have helped you,”  
“At two in the morning?” She asked, bumping her hip against his playfully.  
“Definitely…” he laughed, “what were you doing up so late?”  
“Nightmares,” she said, walking over to the table next to the grill and unwrapping the meat.  
He placed his hand round he shoulders and pulled her in closer sympathetically.  
“It’ll get better,” he whispered.  
“She sighed softly and rested her head on his shoulder, “I know,”

 

x x x x x x

 

One o’clock came fast. Oliver and Felicity had spent the past couple of hours at the grill. Oliver was surprised at how good she was at it. He followed her lead, and they spent the day goofing off about and laughing about stories from previous Smoak family birthday parties.  
The first to arrive was Donna and Captain Lance, they had spent the day together, and Felicity didn’t want to think about what it was exactly they had been doing.

Donna was dressed in her usual flair; she wore a short red dress which surprisingly enough covered most of her cleavage. She looked happy, happier than she had ever been in a long time. Next to arrive was Laurel, then the cousins Jen and Robin who were the epitome of German stereotypes; tall leggy blondes. Each held in their manicured hands a present. Lyla and Diggle arrived shortly after; bringing with them a good looking bottle of wine, and her uncle Scott arrived just as the party went into full swing.

“Uncle Scott!” Felicity yelled, running to the older dark haired man. He, unlike everyone else, was dresses in a suit. He flung his hands open wide.  
“Flick!”  
He lifted her up and swung her around, he set her down and kissed her cheek.  
“I’m so happy to see you,” she laughed.  
He proceeded to greet the guests, making his rounds through the garden.  
Oliver’s jaw clenched when he spotted Ray, talking casually to Felicity and Robin who seemed mesmerized by him. 

“Try not to look so pissed,” he heard. He whipped around and found Jen the model standing behind him.  
“I’m not pissed,” he said taking a sip of his beer.  
“Could’ve fooled me,” she laughed, “You like her. Liss,”  
Oliver didn’t answer; there was something about her, something that put him off.  
“She’s not really okay is she? I mean she’s never really been okay, but after what happened she can’t, be you know, sane?”  
He didn’t even respond to her stupidity and walked away; suddenly understanding why Felicity preferred not to talk about her family. 

 

x x x x x x

 

“Can you believe our parents are dating?” Laurel laughed, glaring at her father and Donna whispering to each other.  
“Yeah, I don’t like to think about that. In my head they’re friends, just friends,” Felicity answered.  
“Can I borrow Liss for a second?” Scott asked, wrapping his hand around her shoulder.  
Laurel nodded and smiled at the older man, “Sure,”

“How are you?”  
“I’m good,” she answered.  
“Are you just saying that or do you actually mean it?”  
“I mean it,” she laughed.  
Scott smiled down at her, shaking his head at her stubbornness.  
“Your boyfriend is exceptional,” he said, nodding over at Ray who was in a deep conversation with Robin, who just like Felicity had a knack for computers.  
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Felicity corrected, nervously looking over at Oliver.  
“Ah, so Queen is the boyfriend,”  
“Nope, not him either. I’m not seeing anyone. I’m focusing on me right now,” she stated.  
“Smart choice,”

 

x x x x x x

 

Nikolas arrived just before she was about to tell everyone to start eating. He was dressed in a usual suit, and he slipped in almost unnoticed.  
“Felicity, can we talk privately?” Nikolas had asked.  
She had agreed and silently followed him into her grandfather’s study.  
They sat opposite each other silently for a while, she counted her fingers; trying to calm herself down.

“Why did you leave,” she asked sheepishly, looking down at the floor.  
“To protect you,” he replied almost immediately.  
She believed him. Rationally she knew it was the right choice to make. She had done her research, she knew that he was married; she knew that he had two sons: Lucas and Erik. She understood that being who he was, rich, powerful and influential, he had made the right choice. 

“Are you okay?”  
“No,” she replied, “but I’m getting there,”  
“I’m sorry,” he said, “and I hope one day you can forgive me,”  
She looked up at her father. She wasn’t angry, and she didn’t hate him. It would take time to trust him, to accept him in her life but she knew that he was a good man, and she knew that he loved her.  
“Me too,” she said.

After a moment of silence he stood up, “My brother and I can’t stay,”  
She did the same; “Sure,” she smiled.  
“I will leave you the address of my hotel, just in case you want to talk later,” he smiled, scribbling it down on a piece of paper and handed it to her.  
She gave him a hug goodbye and watched her father walk out of the study in silence.  
She took a deep breath, whipped the tears from her face and went back to the party, a smile on her face.

 

x x x x x x

 

Felicity remembered now why she hardly ever threw parties. She wrapped hr sweatshirt around her body and looked at the giant mess in front of her. Beer cans, bottles and cups were scattered all over the tables and grass, plates, forks and knives littered all over the place.  
Normally she would hate the clean up, but now she was looking forward to it.  
D. Teller had diagnosed her with OCD, she had a compulsive need to organize. Things had to be prefect or her min wouldn’t let her think of anything else. 

As she picked up bottles and cups it felt like Hanukkah and her birthday all wrapped into one. She could fell her mind relaxing as it fell into autopilot.

Oliver watched her from the kitchen through the window. He wanted to go and help her but he knew that she needed some time alone to her thoughts, that the simple action of cleaning up made her unwind. 

 

Home: Six Weeks

 

Cesar Claire was a hard man to find, which wasn’t a surprise. The rumors about him were clear; he was a borderline sociopath, paranoid and very intuitive. A few years ago, before he was declared mentally unfit to teach, while he was a professor at Harvard teaching engineering he made a name for himself as a wildly smart and bluntly honest man. He brought many of his students to tears and made a lot of enemies.

He had later had a mental breakdown and was let go by the university. He dropped off the grid after that, went underground. He only ever surfaced once in a while; when he was contacted by A.R.G.U.S. He did all sorts of work for them. He created devices both for protection and attack. Felicity had been forced to pull some mad strings just to get into a room with him, he had agreed only if she came alone and brought him three cinnamon rolls.

Oliver of course hadn’t been happy about that. So, him being an overprotective control freak had cased every inch of the meeting place; an abandoned warehouse just outside the Glades, and had insisted on him and Roy watching them from afar as backup just in case anything went wrong.  
So, she stood in the warehouse anxiously tapping her black heels, counting he fingers over and over as she waited for him to show up

“Don’t be nervous,” Oliver said to her over the comms.  
“I’m not,” she replied quietly.  
“You’re doing the thing with your fingers,”  
She looked down and puffed, “Shut up,” she said shoving her hands into her pocket.  
She saw him walking up to her in a distance. At first he was a shadowy figure, and then she saw him clearly. He was not what she was expecting.

In her mind Cesar Claire was an old, homeless looking man, with a beard so long you could braid it, but in reality he wasn’t. He wore a simple pair of jeans, a dress shirt and a grey sweater. He wore glasses similar to hers but they were thicker and larger. His black hair was loose in wild curls, graying at the temples and he walked with confidence and charisma. He didn’t look a day over fifty. There was something strangely familiar about the man, Felicity couldn't place it, and she knew it was going to bug her until she knew whey she felt like this. 

The moment he saw her he smiled, revealing big pearly white teeth.  
“Felicity Smoak,” he said, bringing her in for a hug, “I’m Cesar, nice to see you,”  
“Nice to meet you,” she said, startled by his friendliness.  
He pulled away and examined her for a while.  
“Were you followed?” He asked, looking around.  
“No, I wasn’t,” she lied.

“Good,” he said. He pulled out phone and waved it around her from head to toe; when he reached her ear it made a loud beeping noise.  
“Sorry,” he said, pulling out her comm and stepping on it, “private conversation,”  
She looked down at the squashed device; he turned and started to walk away.  
“Follow me,” he demanded.  
She turned back to where Oliver and Roy were watching, she couldn’t see them but she knew Oliver wouldn’t like this. She sighed and turned to follow him.

They walked for only a few minutes, never leaving the warehouse before they stopped at a corner. She spotted a desk, on it a large backpack and a laptop bag.  
“So you want to know about my weapon,” he said, sitting down on a wooden chair by the desk and signaling for her to sit opposite him. She did what he wanted and sat down.  
“Yes,” she answered.  
“Did you bring what I asked for?” He asked, pulling off his glasses.  
Felicity nodded and pulled out the cinnamon rolls, she handed them over to him.

His dark brown eyes widened as he placed them own in front of him.  
“Yum,” he murmured to himself, “So what do you want to know?” He asked, picking one up and taking a large bite.  
“Everything, how it works, its components and casualty numbers,” she answered.  
“Right,” he laughed.  
“I call it Omega. It’s designed to release a concentrated gas that is odorless and colorless, that kills within seconds,”  
“How?”  
“It has five parts: the detonator, an assimilator, it breaks down the poison from its liquid state to a gas, the motherboard: a computer that runs everything, it enables the detonator you need to run the code on the code, the key: it’s placed into the device, it’s what separates it into the final parts that release the gas,”  
“Parts?”  
“The device is separated into eight small parts. Once the assimilation process is complete and the key is inserted, each part is placed in a particular location so that when the detonator is enabled and then activated, the gas spreads at a quicker rate,” he explained as he finished the last cinnamon roll. 

Felicity sat in silence, staring at the older man. Amazed at his genius and cruelty.  
“Why did you make it?” She asked, hoping that he would have a good reason to justify his actions.  
He looked up at her, “Because I could,” he said flatly.  
The two engaged in a staring competition, she refused to look away. His lips curve up into a soft grin.  
“You think me a monster,” he announced.  
“Yes,” she said truthfully.

He chuckled at her honesty, “You’re a lot like your father, you haven't changed,” he said as he stood up and pulled out a large rolled up paper from his bad, “Here are the schematics. Goodbye Felicity,”  
He picked up his laptop bag and started to walk away.   
“That’s it?” She called after him.  
She wanted to ask what he meant by 'you haven't changed' but decided not to. She had more important things to worry about. He didn’t answer; he continued to walk away from her.  
“Jackass,” she whispered to herself.

 

x x x x x x

 

“Okay, my father gave Ra’s everything except the code and the toxin. That was a few weeks ago so Ra’s probably already knows that,” Felicity said as she unrolled the weapon schematics and placed them on the table in the foundry.  
“So he’s gonna want to retaliate, and somehow get the remaining parts,” Roy continued.  
“The question is: how?” Diggle finished.  
The four stood in silence, thinking up every possible scenario, and as if rehearsed the three men looked up at Felicity.

She sighed, “You guys think he’s gonna target me to get my father to give him the other components,”  
“It makes sense,” Roy answered.  
“If you want to hurt a man, don’t go after him, go after his family,” Oliver offered.  
Felicity closed her eyes. She tried to think about what Dr. Teller had said about regulating her heartbeat to try stopping panic attacks.  
‘Deep breaths, you are safe.’ She thought to herself over and over. 

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that it was Oliver. She let the warmth of his skin help calm herself down.  
“Hey,” he whispered, “it’s going to be okay. He won’t hurt you,”  
“It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s my father,” she said, opening her eyes slowly.  
“From the way your father described their former friendship, Ra’s al Ghul wouldn’t kill him even if he killed Nyssa,” Diggle said.  
She shook her head, “No. Ra’s spared my father once. He won’t do it again,”

 

x x x x x x

 

Nyssa knew what was coming. Ever since her father found out his precious weapon was incomplete he had been locked away, plotting and scheming his revenge, and she knew there would be blood. So when he came to her, his face unreadable she knew that he was ready to strike.

“We leave for Starling City in the morning,” he said simply.  
“What do you plan to do?” She asked.  
He was silent for a moment an then he spoke, “You will see soon,”  
“And Felicity?”  
“Once this is over, once I kill her father, her friends and Oliver, she will return here. With me,”  
“What is your obsession with her?!” Nyssa yelled, tired of her father’s unusual behavior.  
His face instantly hardened, “Careful how you speak to me child,”

“She is mine. Giving her up was one of the greatest mistakes I have ever made,” he said after a short pause, “A mistake that I will correct,”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, been jammed with freakin essays.  
> Sorry guys but here it is! :)  
> xx Jo

Home: Eight Weeks

 

Eleven weeks since Ra’s had been given the weapon. And nothing. Not so much as a whisper about him. Word was that was still in Nanda Parbat, dealing with League business as usual, like nothing had happened. This made Felicity nervous and terrified. If she had been feeling like that before, now it was a billion times worse. She had a lot of sleepless nights, from either the nightmares that woke her up screaming or from the fear of falling asleep and having them.  
She kept in contact with Michal who still watched her and reported back to Ra’s as not to raise any suspicions. He assured her that if anything happened he would let her know.

She talked to her father about the poison and the code. He still insisted that he and she were the only two people who knew the code; she had no idea what he was talking about though. She questioned him time and time again, hoping he would tell her how she knew it and he would simply brush her off, saying that the less she knew the better. As for the poison he had kept it well hidden, and was certain that no one would find it. She knew that he had hidden it somewhere in A.R.G.U.S, they had many locations all over the world, but she was certain that it was hidden in o of their bases. 

Her father had put a security detail on her, two body guards stood outside her apartment at all times and another two outside her office. She was constantly followed. She would notice men, always in suits, around her. She had at least seven people watching her at any given time. Ten if she counted Oliver, Diggle and Roy. They worried about her and thus occasionally kept an eye on her. Oliver more so.

If there was one thin Felicity Smoak hated more than anything in the world; it was the feeling of impending doom.

 

x x x x x x

 

She was awake, as usual due to the raging nightmares, when she got the alert. She had linked her phone to the foundry computer so that she could get the notifications instantly in anything happened. She nearly had a mini heart attack when she saw her phone screen.

BREAK IN AT A.R.G.U.S RESEARCH FACILITY: NEW YORK

And a few seconds later.

SECURITIY ALARM TRIPPED AT HOME OF NIKOLAS VOGEL

The second notification slapped her out of her trance and straight into defense mode. She ran out her door and into her car all while dialing Oliver’s number.  
“Hey, is everything okay?” He asked.  
“No,” she said, panic in her voice, “it’s happening. They have the poison, and my father,” she said, tears streaming down her face. 

 

x x x x x x

 

It went perfectly. After weeks of careful planning his plan was in effect. He had been watching her carefully for the past two weeks.  
He took notice of the security constantly around her. H knew that he had been betrayed, h would kill her watcher as soon as he got the chance.  
She looked good, better than before. He couldn’t wait to have her back with him, to have her back home.  
“He isn’t going to tell us anything,” Nyssa said as she sat down in the chair opposite him, “You yourself taught him how to withstand torture,”  
“I know,” he said smiling deviously, “we aren’t going to torture him,”  
“Kill him then?”  
“Yes,”  
“Will you do it?”  
“No,” he answered.

“Then who will?” She asked, confusion on her face.

“His daughter,” 

 

x x x x x x

 

Her hair smelled like apples. Donna lay on Quentin’s chest, soundly asleep. He was awake, had been for a while. He turned his head and looked at the clock; 5:37am.  
He would have to get up soon and head or work. Being the Police Captain had been as stressful as he had expected. He loved his job, but sometime he missed being a detective. Getting a case, spending hours chasing leads and trying to figure out who was responsible.

But he wasn’t young anymore, and running around all day wasn’t good for his heart either. But when he was with Donna, he didn’t feel like an old man. She was spontaneous, energetic and the life of the party. She was always getting him to do new things, to have more fun and he was grateful to god or whatever controlled fate that they had met. He was trying to convince her to move to Starling. Even though she had been spending more time in Starling City she would occasionally fly back to Las Vegas. He had a whole speech ready in his head, and points.

Las Vegas had been her home, but she didn’t have any strings there. Scott lived in Boston with his wife, and she hated it there, his daughters Jen and Robin were constantly travelling. Felicity lived in Starling, which was a plus. In his speech he would mention that by moving here she could be closer to her. His winning card would be that she had been offered a job in Starling City.  
Donna played the cello, she had even been offered a full scholarship to Julliard but life got in her way. And when someone at the symphony saw her audition tape asked her to audition to be the principal cellist.

He didn’t know much about classical music, but she played amazingly. She came alive when she played. So he was confused when Donna didn’t accept right away. Apparently Starling City had one of the best symphonies in the country, so he was pushing for her to go for the audition. But she was scared. She hadn’t played in front of anyone professionally in decades and was worried she wouldn’t do well.

Quentin was in a world of thought an almost didn’t hear his phone buzzing. He picked it up.  
“Hello?” He whispered in an effort not to wake Donna up.  
“Captain, I need your help,” 

 

x x x x x x

 

Captain Lance stood sat silently for a while. Digesting what Felicity was telling him. They were in his office, and Felicity had just explained what Ra’s al Ghul was planning. She had left out that he was a dangerous man who headed a league of assassins.  
“So you think whoever is behind all o this brought your father here? All the way from Amsterdam?” He asked when he had fully understood.  
“Yes,” she answered.  
Quentin could tell she had been up all night, he couldn’t help but worry about her. She had been through so much, and he admired her strength. He saw it in her mother too.  
“How sure are you that he won’t tell them the code? They could torture him,”  
“My dad was trained to withstand torture,”

“I’ll put out an APB, and have uniforms canvas abandoned warehouses, vacant buildings, anywhere they could be keeping him,”  
She nodded in agreement, “Thank you Captain,” she said, “Can I ask you a favor?”  
He nodded, “Of course,”  
“Don’t tell my mother anything, I don’t want to worry her,”  
“Okay. I won’t. But I’m giving you 48 hours, and then I’m taking over,” he warned.

 

x x x x x x

 

“I found them,” Felicity announced.  
Oliver stood by her side, “Where are they?”  
“The Greenberg Hotel, 7th and Langdon, room 213,” 

 

x x x x x x

By the time Oliver and Roy got there the League had cleared out. The only person in the hotel room was Nikolas. He was tied up, unharmed and pissed off.  
“Are you okay?” Oliver asked as he untied him.  
“I am fine. Felicity?”  
“Safe. She’s with Diggle,” Roy answered.  
“I need to speak with her,” 

 

x x x x x x

 

Oliver was annoyed. Very annoyed. They gave Nikolas back. And he had no idea why. They needed him. He was the only one who knew the code, other than Felicity. So how were they going to use the weapon?  
“Is it possible to hack the computer?” Oliver asked.  
“Yes. But the only one who can is Felicity,” Nikolas answered.  
“What about Cesar? Doesn’t he know the code? After all he created the damn thing,” Diggle inquired.  
“Yes, but he isn’t…of sound mind, ”  
“Where is he? The League could find him and use him,” Roy asked.

“Underground,” Nikolas answered flatly, “he disappeared a few days ago,”  
Silence filled the foundry. His disappearance made Oliver uneasy. Felicity sat down on her chair and sighed.  
“He’s planning something,” she said.  
“He wants you to do it,” Nikolas murmured.  
“What?” She asked.  
“He wants you to be the one to input the code, somehow he knows you know it,”  
Her mind raced, she tried desperately to figure out what was happening, what was going on.  
‘Think Felicity, you know that man better than most. What is he planning?’ She heard.  
She recognized the voice, it was her, the voice that helped her survive.  
“You’re back,” she whispered to herself.  
‘Was I ever gone? I know what he’s planning. Why he’s doing this, and I am you.’  
“So tell me,” she said, raising eyebrows from everyone around.

“Who is she talking to? Roy asked, looking around for answers.  
“I don’t know,” Oliver asked, eyes on Felicity. 

‘He loves you, but he doesn’t trust you. He wants you to earn it. And how do you earn the trust of a demon?’

“Oh my god,” she cried.

“What is it?” Oliver worriedly asked.

She remembered the night he whipped her. His test. She remembered the rage in his voice when she yelled at him, when she was angry at him for making her do what she did. Tears fell from her eyes, she felt herself taking steps back, and she felt the fear rearing up its ugly head again.

“It’s all a test,” she whispered, “He wants me to kill everyone. My friends my family, the innocent people. He wants me to prove to him that I’m worthy,”

“Worthy of what?” Roy asked.

“His love,” she answered.

 

x x x x x x

 

“Everything is going perfectly,” Ra’s boasted.  
Nyssa rolled her eyes. She had been through a lot with her father. She had supported him, helped him in everything her has ever needed. She followed him and trusted him completely. But she wasn’t so sure anymore. He had changed.  
Ever since he had given Felicity Smoak back to Oliver Queen and his friends something about him changed. He was angrier, more vicious and cruel than usual, which was saying something.

Before all this, Nyssa was always sure her father was doing the right thing; she was always on his side, unlike her sister Talia. She trusted his choices and never doubted him. Not even once.  
But not anymore. His plan was crazy, and foolish. Murdering the entire population of a city, a city in the US no less was bound to have consequences. Major ones. Their government would retaliate, and the League might be powerful but they did not stand a chance against a government that strong. They would be hunted and massacred. The League needed to stay in the shadows; that was how they worked best. By doing this they would be at centre stage. 

To make matters worse, he wasn’t doing this to further his cause in cleansing the world, he was doing it not out of love, but of obsession and infatuation with Felicity Smoak. He wasn’t making sound decisions anymore, and Nyssa knew it. So did many other members of the League who thought that his plan was unsound and crazy.  
“Father, are you sure of what you are doing?” She questioned.  
“Absolutely,” he replied, his tone challenging.  
She refused to back down, “Why Starling City? Why not a less…complicated city?”  
“Because she is here!” He yelled back, his expression like that of a wild beast.  
“You gave your word not to leave this city alone,” she spat.  
“Yes, but Nikolas didn’t keep his, he gave me only part o the weapon,”  
“Then your problem is with him. Not with Felicity, Oliver, or this city,”

“I am Ra’s al Ghul, the demon! I do as I please,” he quarreled, “I know what I’m doing woman!”  
“I don’t think you do,” she retorted as she walked away from the mad man that was her father.

 

x x x x x x

 

Her phone was ringing. She had been in the foundry since morning, trying to find out where he was. Oliver, Roy and Diggle had gone out, interrogating known associates of Cesar’s. She had had to force them to all go, reassuring them by telling them that just above her, in the club, were seven highly trained and armed men whose sole job was to keep her safe. Oliver had only agreed if she stayed on the comms to let him know that she was okay. She looked over to the screen to see who it was, but the number was blocked.  
“Hello?”  
“It’s good to hear your voice love,” she heard.

Everything around her shut down, it was black and all she could hear was his voice. Her body didn’t move, and her min didn’t work. The shock took over.  
“I want to see you,” he said.  
She was silent. Words couldn’t form in her mind.  
‘Talk,’ the voice said, ‘TALK FELICITY!’  
“No,” she choked out.  
“The Rosenberg Building. The rooftop, you will come alone and in an hour,” he instructed, “And I have men watching your friends and family. You call anyone, they will die,”

She didn’t know whether it was out of fear or habit but she hung up, and did as she was told.

 

x x x x x x

 

They were getting nowhere. Nobody knew where Cesar had run off to.  
“We should head back,” Oliver said.  
Roy and Diggle nodded in agreement and went on the move.  
“Felicity we’re heading back,” he said over the comms.  
Silence.  
“Felicity,” he repeated.  
He knew something was wrong, worry took over.  
He ran to his bike, “Something’s wrong!” He yelled to Dig and Roy.  
He raced to the foundry, hoping he would make it in time.

 

x x x x x x

 

“Felicity!” He yelled as he ran into the foundry, Roy and Diggle close behind him. He scanned the room for a sign of struggle.  
Nothing.  
“She’s gone,” Oliver puffed, sweeping the table causing things to fall to the ground.  
“Wait,” Roy said, walking over to her computers, “look,” he said, picking up a piece of paper.  
“It’s an address,” Diggle said, looking at the paper.  
“Where?” Oliver growled.

“The Rosenberg Building,” Nyssa said as she walked into the light revealing herself.  
Oliver blotted towards her, and grabbed her by the collar.  
“I am going to kill you,” he spat.  
“That would be a shame then,” she said coolly, “I came here to help you,”  
“Why?” Diggle asked.  
“Because my father has gone mad,” she answered, “he needs to be put down,”  
She pulled Oliver off her, “Why should we believe you?”

“I’m the best shot you have at stopping him, an saving your city,” she explained, “Besides, I know where he planted the other components of the weapon,”  
“You know where they are going to release the gas?” Roy asked.  
“Tell us,” Oliver demanded.  
“You won’t be able to get all of them, we don’t have the time,”

“Lucky for us,” Oliver said, “We have a friend who runs fast,”

 

x x x x x x

 

He wasn’t alone. He stood tall and proud on the roof top, and six other men surrounded the roof. Next to him was a table and on it was a computer.  
‘The motherboard,’ the voice said.  
She walked closer to him, slowly, taking a step after step, her heart beating fast with each one.  
“You know, I’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even my wife, may she rest in peace,” said, turning to face her.

He scared her. She feared him more than anything in this world. But she knew that she would never kill thousands of innocent people, no matter what.  
“You are beautiful,” he said, eyeing her up and down.  
She wore her favorite purple dress and a grey trench coat.  
“I’m not going to do it,” she said, she sounded stronger than she felt.  
“Yes you are,” he said, his hands behind his back.  
“Why?” She asked.  
“Because you love me too,” he smiled, “and you want to make me happy,”

She laughed. She didn’t know where it came from, or why she did but she laughed. Hard and loud.  
“You are so delusional,” she said, holding it back as best as she could, “you are a disgusting and vile creature. You don’t deserve to be loved…by anyone. What yo deserve is to burn in hell,”  
His smiled dropped and he was upon her in the blink of an eye. He grabbed her by the arm and he was so close she could feel his breath on her face as he leaned down.  
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” He asked cheekily.  
“Not anymore,” she said truthfully, “I don’t fear you. I loathe and pity you all at the same time,”

She felt a weight fall off her shoulders. The beast that raged on inside her, insighting fear in her was slain, and it felt damn good.  
He pulled her to the computer forcefully and turned it on.  
On the screen a question appeared in front of her. 'Is the night sky filled with stars or the burning the souls condemned to hell?' 

 

And then it clicked.

She remembered how she knew Cesar. He visited her once. When she was six, she went to Brazil for her grandmother’s funeral. Amy Fonseca, her grandmother, was an American born and raised in Brazil. Her parents were hippies who loved to travel. They fell in love with culture of Brazil and moved there. Amy lived in São Paulo until she moved back to the States to go to Harvard Medical School, something that her hippie parents weren’t too thrilled about.

At the funeral, held at the house Amy owned, she met a lot of people, and Cesar had been one of them. Felicity had wandered off in the empty backyard and started to play on the swing set. Cesar had sat next to her and talked to her about the clouds and the sky. He taught her about the different kinds of clouds, and then talked about faith and destiny, something a six year old girl knew little about.

“I want to ask you a question,” he had said and given her a candy. A gummy bear.  
“What is it?” She had asked eagerly, enamored by the funny man.  
“Is the night sky filled with stars or the burning the souls condemned to hell?”  
She remembered thinking for a while, evaluating the question.  
“Why not the angels watching over us and protecting us from the demons?” She had replied.  
Cesar had laughed at her answer, “You are a smart little girl,” he had said and given her another gummy bear. She then heard her mother’s voice calling her and said goodbye to the strange man. When she asked her mother about him, she had no idea who her daughter was describing.  
“Hi name is Cesar, he said he was a friend of the family,” she had protested.  
“No sweetie, I don’t know anyone called Cesar,”  
And Felicity had chalked it up to her mother’s forgetfulness and never thought about him again.

‘The code. It’s in the words. The answer you gave him,’ the voice laughed, ‘that crazy bastard,’  
“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head.  
She was on the ground the next minute, she felt a scorching pain from her left hand. Screams erupted from her and when she looked down at her hand she saw blood oozing out, and the bone piercing out from her skin.  
“I know you have the code, so stop lying to me,” he spat.

He bent down, “I guess we will do this the hard way,” he said and she felt a needle break the kin on her neck.  
The world started to spin, and the pain dulled to a distant thought. He stood her up, his hands around her waits keeping her vertical. 

He smiled at himself. The drug he had given hr was a special concoction made by a sociopath named Seth. It made the most disciplined men susceptible to coercion, so much so that you could make a man kill his own mother with just a word.  
“Be a good girl Felicity,” he whispered in he hear, “you know the answer right?”  
She nodded softly, her eyes half closed.  
“Good. Now type it in,” he said sweetly, gently putting her right hand on the keyboard of the laptop. Before she could even start to key in the response an arrow hit one of the men on the knee, he screamed and fell down to the ground.

“Let her go!” She heard.  
‘Oliver,’ she felt herself fall to the ground when Ra’s let go of her.  
She could barely see straight. But she could see him, pointing his arrow at the demon.  
“You are such a pest, you know that?” Ra’s retorted.  
“And you are a monster,” he replied calmly, “A monster that I am going to kill,”  
The arrow flew right at his chest, but he caught it before it could pierce his skin.  
“You will have to do better than that boy,” he snarled as he threw the arrow to the side.  
“Done,”  
Oliver and Ra’s bolted to each other. She could see Roy and Diggle in the corner of her eye fighting the other members. 

Out of nowhere Nyssa appeared. She looked at her father and Oliver attacking each other, and then her gaze fell on Felicity. Nyssa ran to her.  
“Are you okay?” She asked, genuine concern in her eyes.  
“I think so,” Felicity muttered.  
She looked up at Oliver and her father, even in her current state Felicity could see the glint of disappointment and discontent in her eyes. She stood up, and pulled a bow out of her quiver and aimed it at the two men.

She stood there, unmoving as the two men fought. Oliver was fighting hard, but he as losing to the more experience older man. Roy was down, he lay on the floor unconscious and Diggle was still fighting a losing battle.

“You’re pathetic,” Ra’s said as he punched Oliver in the face making him stager backwards.  
He quickly shook it off, “I’m the pathetic one? You want so desperately for her to love you, but she never will,”  
“Why? Because she loves you?” Ra’s retorted sarcastically.  
“Exactly,” Oliver said as he charged forward.

‘You need to type in the code. He needs you to do it,’ the voice said.  
Felicity listened, and somehow found the strength to pull herself up, she was weak and dizzy, but she leaned on the table for support before she could fall back to the ground.  
The keyboard was blurry for a while, but she focused her eyes and it cleared up.  
‘Hurry, he needs you to do this,’  
She slowly typed it in, very slowly, trying not to make any mistakes. 'Why not the angels watching over us and protecting us from the demons?'

 

“No!” Oliver yelled just as she pressed enter.  
Ra’s smiled and took he chance to strike a distracted Oliver down. He fell to the ground, pain shooting up and down his spine and Felicity fell with him.  
Ra’s towered over him, “Everything is in place. Just the push o a button,”  
Oliver pressed his comm on, “Barry, you have them?”  
“Yeah, A.R.G.U.S managed to get the vials out. The weapon’s disarmed,”  
Ra’s was lifted up his sword, an arrow flew through the air and Felicity heard a grunt. 

When she looked, she saw Ra’s. He had and arrow in his back. Felicity didn’t understand because Oliver was on the ground. Ra’s turned around only to see his daughter pull out another arrow, raise it to her bow and point it directly at him.  
“Nyssa,” he asked, shock written all over his face, “what is this?”  
“I have to stop you,” she replied firmly.  
He reached behind him and pulled out the arrow.  
He threw it to his side, and marched closer to her, “I am your father!” He yelled.  
“Not anymore,” she said coldly, unwavered by his growing proximity, “my father died the moment his obsession for Felicity Smoak took over him,”  
“Then go ahead, do it. Kill me,” he spat.

He waited for her to do it. She wanted to do it. She wanted to stop the mad man and be rid of him, but she didn’t see a crazy person. She saw her father, the man she was loyal to, the man she loved and respected.  
The determination in her eyes fell and she lowered her bow.  
“That is what I thought,” he said. 

He turned to walk back to finish Oliver off, but the moment Oliver got a clear shot of his chest he released his arrow. It struck him with such force that he fell to the ground with a loud thud. Oliver lowered his bow and staggered forward.  
There was a swooshing sound and Barry appeared in a red blur just in time to catch Oliver.

Nyssa ran to her father’s side.  
“Father,” she cried. He gasped for air, blood dispensing out of him.  
She could see the pain in his eyes, he looked like a helpless puppy, whimpering in pain and suffering. She hated it. The look in his eyes. How a few moments ago he was a tall, proud and powerful man; the demon, and now he was weak and powerless. Dying.  
“I’m sorry,” she whispered before grabbing hold of the arrow and driving it deeper into his chest.  
He went still, and she looked up at Oliver and Barry, sadness in her eyes.

“The demon is dead,” she said.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!   
> Sorry for late update but I have been sooo freakin busy.   
> Enjoy!

Home: Ten Weeks

 

She hated the cast. It was big, heavy and uncomfortable. Typing was a bitch. She was at half her speed and it bugged her. Ray constantly made fun of her for it, it got to a point that even Jerry her EA joined in.   
Diggle was the only one who didn’t make fun of her. Roy was merciless, making snarky remarks and sly comments.

“Okay, another ten feet and you should be right in front of him,” she said, taping at her keys and keeping a close eye on the tracking signal. Some psycho named Roger Greggs killed seven people in three weeks all over the country from New York all the way to Starling. He was a wealthy man so he could afford to hire bodyguards, who knew about his fetish for killing young and newly single women.

The next few minutes all she heard was grunting and gunfire.  
“You guys okay?”   
“Fine. We got him,” Oliver answered.

 

Home: One Year, Two Months, One Week and Four Days

 

“Do you honestly believe that you are okay? That you are mentally healthy?”  
Dr. Teller had a strange smile on her face. The woman had become more open over the past year, she smiled more, laughed more, she seemed happier. It made Felicity think that her sessions with her were therapeutic for the both of them. Over the past year a lot had changed.   
Her hair was shorter; something Oliver wasn’t too happy about, she had moved to a different place; in the city, with top notch security thanks to her father, Diggle and Oliver, and she wasn’t the same.

Laughing was easier, smiling was easier; just living and breathing was easier. But she wasn’t okay. She didn’t think she would ever be fully okay, but she was reaching a mid point.   
“No. Not fully,” she said truthfully, “but I will be. Hopefully,”  
“And Oliver?” Dr. Teller asked curiously.

“I’m working on it,” she replied with a sly smile.

 

x x x x x x

 

For the first time in a long time, Oliver was nervous.  
He had felt a lot of emotions in his life; grief, sorrow, rage and disappointment, being nervous was something he had only experienced a few times, so few he could count them on one hand.  
“So, she wants to see you,” Thea said, “and she invited you to her place?”  
“Yeah,” he said, jumping on the couch and stealing some popcorn from her bowl.  
“That’s not such a big deal. Go over, see what happens,” Roy said.  
Oliver and Thea simultaneously gave him a dismissive glare.  
“Ignore him, he knows nothing about women,” Thea joked.  
“Yeah, I do,” Roy defended.

“No you don’t,” Oliver agreed.  
Roy shrugged and leaned back into the couch.  
“Look, don’t be nervous,” Thea advised, “just be… Ok, I literally have no advice for you,”   
Oliver laughed at her uncertainty, “Now you know how I feel,”

“Dude, just go. Now,”  
“Why are you so eager Roy?” Oliver asked raising hid brow inquisitively.  
“No reason,” he shrugged.  
“He has a bet going with John and Lyla on how long it’ll take the two of you to get together,”  
“How much did you bet?” Oliver asked, intrigued.  
He was silent for a while, and gave Thea a dirty look, “I bet on this week. Fifty bucks,”

“You should’ve bet a hundred,” he winked as he walked out of the apartment. 

 

x x x x x x

 

“Okay. I’m gonna jump to the point, I…love…” she sighed, “No. Ugh, why is this so hard?”  
“It always is,” she heard.  
Oliver walked into her new apartment, hands in his jean pockets, a grin on his face.  
“Crap,” she sighed, “you heard that.”  
“Yup,” he laughed.

“It’s not funny,” she said, throwing a cushion pillow at him. He ducked, laughing at her embarrassment.   
She signaled for him to sit and they both fell on her couch.  
“You know you don’t need to do this big romantic gesture,” he joked.  
“It’s not a big romantic gesture, its dinner. And I didn’t even make it, I ordered Italian,” she laughed.

“But seriously, I made a speech,” she said, clearing her throat and brining all her points to her mind.  
“Okay,” Oliver smiled.  
“So, the past year I’ve been…recovering. With the whole Ra’s al Ghul thing, I wasn’t myself and I needed time to get back to normal. I mean I’m not completely normal, although normal isn’t a definitive thing, what’s normal to me might not b normal to you or anyone-”   
Her babbling speech was cut off by his lips on hers. He pulled her close and placed his hand on her check. 

He pulled away and smiled, “You need to shut more often. This...is much more fun,” 

 

x x x x x x

 

Donna had never been good at hiding excitement. When Felicity got into MIT she squealed and jumped around, she threw her the best party. So when she found out that Oliver and Felicity had finally started dating keeping it all in took all her will power.   
“Mom, I know you’re dying to go all Donna on me, so…Go,” Felicity said, putting down her glass of wine.

The next few minutes were filled with screaming and jumping up and down with glee. Once they were done they fell onto the couch.  
“Listen, I know you wanna know everything, but can we not do the whole girly boy talk?” Felicity asked.   
Donna was notorious for spending hours chatting about boys, or rather men. Over her life span of 45 years she had had a very long string of flings and boyfriends, they came and went and the only constant was her love of boy talk. When Felicity was fifteen she had he first boyfriend; Lucas. He was the opposite of Donna’s normal type. He wasn’t the bad boy, who was a bad influence; he was a smart and good guy with integrity. They spent hours talking about everything; from his eye colour to his fashion sense.   
Felicity hated everything about it.

“Fine. Just one question,”   
“Fine,” she puffed.  
“Are you happy?” Donna asked.  
That’s all she cared about. Felicity had been through a lot. And Donna was a worrier; she was always worried about Felicity and Quentin. They were the two most important people in her life and their happiness was her number one priority. 

And seeing them together; Oliver and Felicity, she was sure that they were happy. And that’s all she really ever wanted. 

"Happier than I've ever been," Felicity replied, a sincere smile on her face.


End file.
